Easy Bake Mistake (Roasted)

'For Ruth Less'
 
Gas oven, 103.
I think I can make toast this way.
They never wanted me to, those doubters,
so I bought extra bread.
It was on sale like 'his' stuff  
dropped off at Goodwill
when I emptied the car,
smoking insanity.
I have no muffler anymore
and the shop is closed.
 
It's right next to the fridge.
Bring on the last meal, no wait,
there's leftovers aplenty  
since he's gone.
Toasted 'his' cinnamon stick
on my hearth, that was last week,
now I'm alone.
I can finally hog the TV and the shower;
no more hairy bits in the sink.
Unfortunately, he left 'her' underwear
in the sock drawer, Oh-ld Spice!
Some cloves stuck in an orange
will do nicely.
 
Light a candle, it lasts longer,
must be a Yankee.
Heck, if it burns bright enough
I might toast a marshmallow.
How did I get here?
Time and impatience
and 'him' over easy in a slow oven.
It was half-baked in a lightbulb moment;
everything else was D.O.A.
Ask Betty Crocker or Fanny Farmer.
 
I'm getting too close to the flame.
What's that acrid smell?
I'm one big creosote log;
it must be my hair burning.
Aqua-Net is extremely flammable;
it was 'him' that coated me in it.
 
                      .....