deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dreams
I was on a lonely open road
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting I was even there
Sometimes I can't sleep at night
I keep questioning if I'm alright
Holding hope in a sunken place
Teardrops falling down on my face
I was on a lonely open road
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting I was even there
I tried to make it on my own
But time passed and I'm still all alone
I keep wondering if I'm to blame
But nothing changes it all stays the same
I'm fighting things that I can't see
I'm locked inside and I have no key
Moments in life make a man
Fear keeps us from what doing what we can
I remember the times of full regret
I remember watching the sun start to set
I remember all the things I wish I said
And I remember all those moments I would dread
I was on a lonely open road
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting I was even there
I was on a lonely open road
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting i was even there
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting I was even there
Sometimes I can't sleep at night
I keep questioning if I'm alright
Holding hope in a sunken place
Teardrops falling down on my face
I was on a lonely open road
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting I was even there
I tried to make it on my own
But time passed and I'm still all alone
I keep wondering if I'm to blame
But nothing changes it all stays the same
I'm fighting things that I can't see
I'm locked inside and I have no key
Moments in life make a man
Fear keeps us from what doing what we can
I remember the times of full regret
I remember watching the sun start to set
I remember all the things I wish I said
And I remember all those moments I would dread
I was on a lonely open road
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting I was even there
I was on a lonely open road
Driving miles got nowhere to go
I keep on dreaming of an open plain
Waiting for the first drops of rain
The sun shines in the bright blue sky
Working hard as the day goes by
Laying back in an old trusty chair
Somehow forgetting i was even there
Written by
CosiestPrism273
(Jordan Kunkel)
Published 23rd Jan 2020
Author's Note
I decided to write a song. If you like it and want to sing it let me know. I can't sing well at all but to give you a feel of how the rhythm is even though I will be off key a bit I'm going to put a video here. Again I'm not a good singer so don't completely hate on me.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 13
reading list entries 3
comments 30
reads 1025
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 7:42pm
i liked the flow to this song.
I WOULD like to hear it sung.
Perhaps one of our many talented singer song writers could sing it? (You'd probably have to sing it 1st for them unless You play and instrument..........& even then)
I WOULD like to hear it sung.
Perhaps one of our many talented singer song writers could sing it? (You'd probably have to sing it 1st for them unless You play and instrument..........& even then)
1
Re: Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 7:46pm
I'll sing it but it might not be that good. Probably would be best if someone else sang it as well. Someone who can actually sing. I'll show how I want it kind of sung though.
Re: Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 7:53pm
Missy has a great singing voice
and _shadoe_, as well.
Or listen to the voices in the Spoken Word of the month competition to hear who has the voice to match Your spill (what You want to hear that's within Your head)
But You will have to ask them for assistance.
Maybe join the Spoken Word Group?
and _shadoe_, as well.
Or listen to the voices in the Spoken Word of the month competition to hear who has the voice to match Your spill (what You want to hear that's within Your head)
But You will have to ask them for assistance.
Maybe join the Spoken Word Group?
1
Re: Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 7:56pm
I'm in it but I'm not sure how to do this exactly. I could add a video to this piece and people could go off of that. I don't really know that many singers on this site.
Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 9:41pm
i agree with tallen, the flow is gorgeous... it would be great to hear your vision (jaysus, if that makes any kinda sense... hearing vision 🙈 oy vey) even if it's an unpolished recording.
i wouldn't know who to point you towards here iro having someone else cover it vocally or compose music for it... tho, i would suggest filtering spoken word by song/song lyrics and just giving some of the regulars in that category a listen
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/song-lyrics-poems/
i love the lyrics and would have loved to take a crack at it but i do metal covers ltm so i'd be pretty useless here tho bless tallen's cotton socks for thinking of me & pointing me in the direction of your writing
pleased to read you
~k
i wouldn't know who to point you towards here iro having someone else cover it vocally or compose music for it... tho, i would suggest filtering spoken word by song/song lyrics and just giving some of the regulars in that category a listen
https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/song-lyrics-poems/
i love the lyrics and would have loved to take a crack at it but i do metal covers ltm so i'd be pretty useless here tho bless tallen's cotton socks for thinking of me & pointing me in the direction of your writing
pleased to read you
~k
2
Re: Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 9:49pm
It is more of a soulful song you sing slowly. I have my singing of it recorded but like I said it is not very good. Would the rhythm of how I sing explain the song even if my singing isn't very good overall?
Re: Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 9:54pm
yes it certainly would... if one can get a feel for the tempo it should be a breeze to learn and rerecord.
is it posted somewhere like youtube or vocaroo?
is it posted somewhere like youtube or vocaroo?
1
Re. Dreams
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2020 10:22pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 10:27pm
Thanks I'm a little surprised to hear that. I don't really sing so I'm not too sure exactly how to. That's why I thought someone else should. They could put more polish.
Re: Re. Dreams
Anonymous
23rd Jan 2020 10:33pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Dreams
23rd Jan 2020 10:37pm
Re. Dreams
Anonymous
24th Jan 2020 00:26am
Word wise, this is * way more * efficient than your earlier submitted poems.
Without listening, I noticed just a few slight things you can improve upon.
"Teardrops falling down on my face"
The "on" is not necessary; it's implied.
"I keep on dreaming of an open plain"
Again, not necessary.
"But time passed and I'm still all alone"
"But nothing changes it all stays the same"
"I remember all the things I wish I said"
Same with "all" in each of these lines.
That's two words you are habitually over reliant on. And now that you know this/these, you'll be more aware of their need in the future.
Without listening, I noticed just a few slight things you can improve upon.
"Teardrops falling down on my face"
The "on" is not necessary; it's implied.
"I keep on dreaming of an open plain"
Again, not necessary.
"But time passed and I'm still all alone"
"But nothing changes it all stays the same"
"I remember all the things I wish I said"
Same with "all" in each of these lines.
That's two words you are habitually over reliant on. And now that you know this/these, you'll be more aware of their need in the future.
3
Re: Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 00:41am
With the I keep on dreaming of an open plain. I used on as more emphasis there to make my point stand out more. The others I agree were not completely necessary. I made this as a song so I tried to to use some of these words for rhythm purposes. Thank you for your advice and I will try to make improvements in the future. I made this into a blues style song so that is why I said it in this way. I don't completely understand structure but I am working on it. Thanks for reading it.
Re: Re. Dreams
Anonymous
24th Jan 2020 1:13am
Of course. Like I said - I did not listen; I only read the writing. Songs are definitely more flexible, as you are focusing more on conforming your messsage to melody and not concerning yourself with efficiency. Padding or filler words can come in handy or downright become necessary to complete such.
2
Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 1:44am
You singing this has a Country - Bluesy flair .......for not being a singer and singing acapella -- not bad, Brother
i liked the song a lot
i liked the song a lot
1
Re: Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 1:56am
Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 1:57am
Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 2:29am
You did a wonderful job, man! I completely agree with Johnny... Looks like the advice you've been getting from poets on here is helping you a lot. You're improving rapidly as a writer... this song so beautiful... the imagery is gorgeous, it's creative, and it's super catchy! I loved it, man! You're not a bad singer either. I'm sure if you wanted to, you could become a great singer. You've got a good sense of rhythm and melody... aka you're musically and poetically inclined Keep those creative juices flowing, man! You're awesome 😊
1
Re: Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 2:30am
Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 8:39pm
Re: Re. Dreams
24th Jan 2020 8:50pm
Re. Dreams
4th Feb 2020 3:54am
I as well liked it very much...
You have talent...use it...take voice classes...
You can be anything you choose to be...
Only thing you need is effort and direction...
Everyone else here has given you praise ,
direction , and some possible corrections...
As far as mine , having listened to your recording , only one...
"I'm fighting things that I can't see
I'm locked inside and I have no key
Moments in life make a man
Fear keeps us from what doing what we can"
I might just suggest "true man"...
Otherwise...you have some talent brewing...
Do not give it away to someone else...
Make It Yours !
You have talent...use it...take voice classes...
You can be anything you choose to be...
Only thing you need is effort and direction...
Everyone else here has given you praise ,
direction , and some possible corrections...
As far as mine , having listened to your recording , only one...
"I'm fighting things that I can't see
I'm locked inside and I have no key
Moments in life make a man
Fear keeps us from what doing what we can"
I might just suggest "true man"...
Otherwise...you have some talent brewing...
Do not give it away to someone else...
Make It Yours !
1
Re: Re. Dreams
4th Feb 2020 3:59am
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Feb 2020 6:45am
5th Feb 2020 10:04am
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Dreams
5th Feb 2020 10:12am
Re. Dreams
5th Feb 2020 6:29pm
Re. Dreams
5th Feb 2020 6:30pm
Re. Dreams
11th Feb 2020 4:25am
Re. Dreams
16th Feb 2020 6:16pm