deepundergroundpoetry.com
Conflicted
War is more than just a fight
It is a repellant to the news we all see.
It is a conflict that has no end in sight,
Watch as people run and try to flee
Holding what you believed you would have forever,
In the blink of an eye, it's all gone
We are blind in our endeavors
We all fall victim to this master con
Pride is what makes the world spin
We take what we want, and we don't think of others
We dont even think of how bad this looks on us as men
The truth is we all fight like enemies not brothers
There is a overwhelming feeling of being alone,
We push against everybody else and don't think twice
We keep others out of our zone
We make others feel pain, instead of making a sacrifice
We all are conflicted in every single way
From love, hate, hardships, and the feeling you will suffocate.
We hide our true selves, never saying what we want to say
Going day by day and trying to start a new slate
Imagine a mother and father lying dead in an open field
Imagine the kids taken away by those we were afraid of
We put up a shield
try to differentiate between fake and real
With no results to yield
We look to God above, " Please give us some answers, let us feel your love!"
We all are the same, but yet we fight so much and so long it becomes a loss not a gain
There is no right answer to any of this,
At the end of the day, we all want that feeling of bliss
The storms and rain are sometimes completely insane
Sometimes it feels like there's no right lane
Take a few books off the shelves there we would be no war without war within ourselves
Pride is the thing that starts all wars and hatred and regret are man's greatest downfall
People are the problem themselves bickering like a bunch of Santa's elves
We can not let go anymore
we try so hard but our feet never hit the floor
The truth is, some things are unforgivable
Lost in your own thoughts not knowing what is to follow
Sometimes life is hardly livable
But at the end of the day
all we do is continue to wallow
It is a repellant to the news we all see.
It is a conflict that has no end in sight,
Watch as people run and try to flee
Holding what you believed you would have forever,
In the blink of an eye, it's all gone
We are blind in our endeavors
We all fall victim to this master con
Pride is what makes the world spin
We take what we want, and we don't think of others
We dont even think of how bad this looks on us as men
The truth is we all fight like enemies not brothers
There is a overwhelming feeling of being alone,
We push against everybody else and don't think twice
We keep others out of our zone
We make others feel pain, instead of making a sacrifice
We all are conflicted in every single way
From love, hate, hardships, and the feeling you will suffocate.
We hide our true selves, never saying what we want to say
Going day by day and trying to start a new slate
Imagine a mother and father lying dead in an open field
Imagine the kids taken away by those we were afraid of
We put up a shield
try to differentiate between fake and real
With no results to yield
We look to God above, " Please give us some answers, let us feel your love!"
We all are the same, but yet we fight so much and so long it becomes a loss not a gain
There is no right answer to any of this,
At the end of the day, we all want that feeling of bliss
The storms and rain are sometimes completely insane
Sometimes it feels like there's no right lane
Take a few books off the shelves there we would be no war without war within ourselves
Pride is the thing that starts all wars and hatred and regret are man's greatest downfall
People are the problem themselves bickering like a bunch of Santa's elves
We can not let go anymore
we try so hard but our feet never hit the floor
The truth is, some things are unforgivable
Lost in your own thoughts not knowing what is to follow
Sometimes life is hardly livable
But at the end of the day
all we do is continue to wallow
Published 16th Jan 2020
Author's Note
I actually got the inspiration from New Beginnings. In my opinion they go hand in hand.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 8
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Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
18th Jan 2020 10:12pm
CP, I have enjoyed reading your observational style very much. You really pay attention to the detail of your imagery. While you are only requesting friendly feedback, I will say that I believe you could really tighten your work up by eliminating excess wordage and redundancy. You have a good command on language, i.e. - spelling and grammar, etc. Where I see you need improvement is the above. When you are comfortable and ready to move forward, request honest critique.
18th Jan 2020 10:14pm
Thank you for saying that. I have trouble believing in myself sometimes so it's hard for me to know exactly what to do sometimes. I appreciate your honest thoughts.
18th Jan 2020 10:15pm
We all need encouragement in our lives; that is what the members of this site are here for.
18th Jan 2020 10:17pm
Thank you. I am going to think about what you said. I'm still trying to figure myself out so I'm not sure what path I want to take.
18th Jan 2020 10:22pm
The important thing is realizing it's your path alone. And remember, Stephen King threw away Carrie because he felt it wasn't any good! His wife is the one who pulled it out of the trash and saved it!
Anonymous
- Edited 19th Jan 2020 1:19am
19th Jan 2020 1:17am
I concur with Ahavati's assessment. But being overly wordy is easily curable by standing back and asking yourself, "Can I say this in fewer words?" That sets you on the path of recognizing what is and what is not vital in telling the story.
I think this is the most important stanza of the entire poem
"Holding what you believed you would have forever,
In the blink of an eye, it's all gone
We are blind in our endeavors
We all fall victim to this master con"
That's the meat and potatoes right there - it is your personal slant on what has been written about since men could bash each other over the heads with clubs and paint on cave walls.
It's always great to see poetry inspired by other poetry.
I think this is the most important stanza of the entire poem
"Holding what you believed you would have forever,
In the blink of an eye, it's all gone
We are blind in our endeavors
We all fall victim to this master con"
That's the meat and potatoes right there - it is your personal slant on what has been written about since men could bash each other over the heads with clubs and paint on cave walls.
It's always great to see poetry inspired by other poetry.
5th Feb 2020 7:17pm
Greetings,
I appreciate the intent of your piece. " We make others feel pain,instead of making sacrifices" That's so true on many different levels from hate to love, parenting, financial decisions, dating, religion, to sports...
"We are all the same, but yet we fight so much and so long it becomes a loss, not a gain" To my overstanding fighting always creates losses and what is gained is inevitably loss in the next fight...
"Pride is the thing that starts all wars...." War is death and and if pride is its root... the pride becomes synonymous to war and ultimately death... Great piece!!
I appreciate the intent of your piece. " We make others feel pain,instead of making sacrifices" That's so true on many different levels from hate to love, parenting, financial decisions, dating, religion, to sports...
"We are all the same, but yet we fight so much and so long it becomes a loss, not a gain" To my overstanding fighting always creates losses and what is gained is inevitably loss in the next fight...
"Pride is the thing that starts all wars...." War is death and and if pride is its root... the pride becomes synonymous to war and ultimately death... Great piece!!
5th Feb 2020 7:20pm
