deepundergroundpoetry.com
don't fucking care
There is nothing
I know it when the glass clicks my teeth
When it clanks hard on the bar, empty
When the salt spills on the rim
Leaving sick little spores in tequilla
Until it mixes with spit
Drooling down the side.
There is nothing inside
You've left and I never grieved
never shed a tear
and I don't know
which should bother me more.
You are dead to me,
but I am dead to me.
There is no pain, no laughter
I don't remember a good memory
Just your mail in the mailbox
return to sender
it may find you
before I do.
and I don't even care.
There is nothing
no reason my chest heaves
my eyes squeeze shut
no fucking reason my palms
are covered in bloody crescents
no reason my lips are blue
because I am afraid to breathe
because when I do,
air will bring pain
and I don't want to fucking care
if it means
I care about you.
I know it when the glass clicks my teeth
When it clanks hard on the bar, empty
When the salt spills on the rim
Leaving sick little spores in tequilla
Until it mixes with spit
Drooling down the side.
There is nothing inside
You've left and I never grieved
never shed a tear
and I don't know
which should bother me more.
You are dead to me,
but I am dead to me.
There is no pain, no laughter
I don't remember a good memory
Just your mail in the mailbox
return to sender
it may find you
before I do.
and I don't even care.
There is nothing
no reason my chest heaves
my eyes squeeze shut
no fucking reason my palms
are covered in bloody crescents
no reason my lips are blue
because I am afraid to breathe
because when I do,
air will bring pain
and I don't want to fucking care
if it means
I care about you.
Published 31st Dec 2011
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likes 7
reading list entries 3
comments 12
reads 1321
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
31st Dec 2011 6:16am
hurts especially when you are not cared for in return. I know this so well. Well written, beautiful_accident.
31st Dec 2011 1:27pm
Thanks, Grace. We've all been here... it's trying to get "here" described in a way that's not cliche that's the hard part.
31st Dec 2011 11:09am
and control of the emotion in this write is applaudable. (and no, i don't think that is a word.) very easy to touch.
on the critique side, i've been on a longer-line kick lately, and it seems to me that this would read more smoothly if you took some of the lines and put them together:
"You've left and I never grieved, never shed a tear
and I don't know
which should bother me more."
"it may find you before I do.
and I don't even care."
and, i find myself doing this constantly, but the punctuation and capitalization is a little bit muddled, as in, the capitals and punctuation aren't consistent. must say, i think i prefer your use of punctuation with no capitals as opposed to leaving it wide open because i like where you *have* put dead stops and commas. almost want to see more of them. pure experimental preference, you understand, and i don't know how many would agree with me on that point. [: love this, BA.
on the critique side, i've been on a longer-line kick lately, and it seems to me that this would read more smoothly if you took some of the lines and put them together:
"You've left and I never grieved, never shed a tear
and I don't know
which should bother me more."
"it may find you before I do.
and I don't even care."
and, i find myself doing this constantly, but the punctuation and capitalization is a little bit muddled, as in, the capitals and punctuation aren't consistent. must say, i think i prefer your use of punctuation with no capitals as opposed to leaving it wide open because i like where you *have* put dead stops and commas. almost want to see more of them. pure experimental preference, you understand, and i don't know how many would agree with me on that point. [: love this, BA.
31st Dec 2011 1:28pm
Thanks, Jesta. It wrote itself last night and I didn't play with it yet. I'll tweak the lines and the punctuation. I agree it could be smoother.
1st Jan 2012 4:33pm
This poems makes me smile. It is completely understandable and you are one of the bests at making people understand through your writing. Thank you for the great read. :)
2nd Jan 2012 3:01am
24th Jan 2012 12:34pm
I have fallen in love with your work. I want to comment on everything, but don't want to appear stalkerish. :P
I love this piece. I do that. The whole not breathing thing to not feel, to not care.
I love how you found words for that.
Great write!
I love this piece. I do that. The whole not breathing thing to not feel, to not care.
I love how you found words for that.
Great write!
26th Jan 2012 1:24am
6th Feb 2013 6:01pm
I adore your writings a great deal...
Your emotional pen is incredible!!
Sir Lancelott
Your emotional pen is incredible!!
Sir Lancelott
21st Feb 2013 3:15am
Anonymous
6th Feb 2013 7:08pm
Nail-slitting energy!
Love it.
Pen on, man!
Thanks for sharing :-)
Cheers
Tidespotter
Love it.
Pen on, man!
Thanks for sharing :-)
Cheers
Tidespotter
21st Feb 2013 3:15am
