our kind of love

i liked you. it wasn’t anything special. it was a crush. i had worse and i will have worse. the reason you were the hardest to get over was what came after the like. after the heartbreak. after all the pain i went through that was over you. i slowly realized i didn’t like you anymore but instead the like had turned into hatred and resentment. that was when i was forced to realize i loved you. not in a childish crush way and not in a romantic way. i loved you as a friend and you made my days easier. i cared for you the same way i do for my best friends. the same best friends who hate it when i even mention your name because they had to watch you hurt me time and time again and me and never learn from my mistakes. the same way they never gave up on me i never gave up on you because when you care about a person the way i care about you it forces you to be forgiving even when it’s not best for you. it all started again just over a month ago when you told me your deepest secrets and i told you mine and we comforted each other. it reminded me of that love that was there. it wasn’t a dangerous love or a love that was a romantic or fake love. it was a forgiveness for the ones you love type of love. this love i had (have) for you is what motivates me through every second of our conversations. i know that sometimes the things we talk about and the level of comfort we now have is a good thing but it’s still scary as hell that now we are in the place we are. this brings me to a couple days ago when you texted me something i’m sure you didn’t even tell anyone else even your parents and i promised i’d always be there and i’d help you get through this. even if it is hard on me to be there for you the love i have for you gives me what i need to be able to do it. so all i can say is that i will be here for you even as it slowly kills me