Zombify Me

Abstract figures Haunt me
Between dark corners of my un-spotless mind
Cradled between the old version of myself and who I want to be
Decisions have never come
Easily for me
Flame like fevers and night sweats
Get heavier and heavier to carry
Heavy comes in different sizes and shapes
I am tired of doing it alone
Jumping out of my seat for anyone who temporarily makes me happy
Killing the pain will pills and alcohol
Lying to myself to get through the day
Making jokes to hide the tears
Nothing helps anymore, nothing helps
Or maybe I am stuck
Pretending happiness is something I am familiar with
Questioning the loyalty and trust of anyone who wants to get close to me
Running for the hills whenever someone actually gets through one of the many layers I keep up
Slowly measuring the weight that pushes me down
Taking advantage of sympathy,I
Understand I am the one to blame
Vicious vicious memories
Wake me at night
Xysters scarp the energy from my bones
Yelling at the figures that come and go
Zombify me