deepundergroundpoetry.com
Lost Amongst The Trees
Remember how I've scolded you
when you've misbehaved.
and the words that I have used
for why that's childish ways.
Like a sprout along with many
growing in the woods
time expects you to mature
and stand as though you should
The love for others I've tried to teach
and pray that you have learned
are lost on some around the world
that's why they're not concerned
It is this lack of caring
that causes us to war
and until we learn this
mankind can never soar
* a non-entry
If C_F expires :-)))
Published 19th Nov 2019
| Edited 23rd Nov 2019
Author's Note
Poem: Inspired by Cold_Fusion
Title: Inspired by a comment from "Butters" on another's poem.
Title: Inspired by a comment from "Butters" on another's poem.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 2
comments 12
reads 1201
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The author is looking for friendly feedback.
19th Nov 2019 11:11pm
19th Nov 2019 11:16pm
19th Nov 2019 11:42pm
21st Nov 2019 11:08pm
I probably would've added 'of' & 'feeling' to that last verse, like so:
"It is this lack of caring
that causes us to war
and until we learn this feeling
mankind can never soar"
I do like your attention to rhythm on this piece; it was noted.
"It is this lack of caring
that causes us to war
and until we learn this feeling
mankind can never soar"
I do like your attention to rhythm on this piece; it was noted.
22nd Nov 2019 6:12pm
Hello, Billy
Thank you sooo much for pointing out that missing 'of'.
I probably read this in my mind a dozen times and didn't catch its absence. Guess I need to read my stuff out loud as I edit.
As to my attention to rhythm, thank you.
I normally try to keep syllable counts in balance, but will change from line to line if it causes a stumble in the meter of the piece as I read it in my mind. Sometimes the different way people accent syllables as they read something will change the meter for them, and is actually quite normal.
Thanks for visiting and leaving your helpful comment.
Thank you sooo much for pointing out that missing 'of'.
I probably read this in my mind a dozen times and didn't catch its absence. Guess I need to read my stuff out loud as I edit.
As to my attention to rhythm, thank you.
I normally try to keep syllable counts in balance, but will change from line to line if it causes a stumble in the meter of the piece as I read it in my mind. Sometimes the different way people accent syllables as they read something will change the meter for them, and is actually quite normal.
Thanks for visiting and leaving your helpful comment.
Anonymous
- Edited 4th Jun 2022 2:45am
25th Nov 2019 7:25am
<< post removed >>
15th Dec 2019 4:47pm
Thank you, BB.
I am well, just being kept busy with life.
Keep writing, and I will be around when possible to enjoy it.
Teri
I am well, just being kept busy with life.
Keep writing, and I will be around when possible to enjoy it.
Teri
Anonymous
19th Dec 2019 8:37pm
Easy to read and feel.
19th Dec 2019 8:58pm
Thank you, Mister_Write
I'm pleased you feel it accomplished what I intended.
Teri
I'm pleased you feel it accomplished what I intended.
Teri
25th Dec 2019 00:18am
Wonderfully worded, amorous. Beautiful truth you speak. I really liked how you use natural imagery in your delivery of the message - great writing!
30th Dec 2019 1:02am
30th Dec 2019 4:03am
