deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Torment of Realizing
she laid it all out,
her phone off
no distractions -
fully present
time to feel this
she chose coffee
with a soul
who understands
the agony of coexisting
with a mind splintered;
the pain of living on,
seven days after dying
by her own hand;
the nauseating guilt
of her audacity
to figure it all out,
one day too late;
the torment of realizing
her epiphanies
and apologies
don’t mean shit
to those caught
in the icy grip
of her shadow;
not this time,
anyway
how beautiful it is,
love given freely
without a rule of thumb
to measure her by,
especially when she knows
she’s always going to
come up short;
gift-wrapped
and placed softly
inside her upturned palms,
healing hands held hers
from across the table,
eyes full of grace
and understanding
falling upon her face
as all her words,
made of the
overwhelming
sorrow
repentance
heartache
heartbreak
anger
loss
pain
forgiveness
hope
love
it all spilled out,
flowing headstrong
over the gates
she’d constructed
to keep them
all safely
inside her mouth;
when she was finished,
she looked for proof
that she’d been
too much,
that her emotions had been
too big to share;
but she found none -
instead her heart
found
the compassion
of an old friend
staring back,
and she was thankful
her phone off
no distractions -
fully present
time to feel this
she chose coffee
with a soul
who understands
the agony of coexisting
with a mind splintered;
the pain of living on,
seven days after dying
by her own hand;
the nauseating guilt
of her audacity
to figure it all out,
one day too late;
the torment of realizing
her epiphanies
and apologies
don’t mean shit
to those caught
in the icy grip
of her shadow;
not this time,
anyway
how beautiful it is,
love given freely
without a rule of thumb
to measure her by,
especially when she knows
she’s always going to
come up short;
gift-wrapped
and placed softly
inside her upturned palms,
healing hands held hers
from across the table,
eyes full of grace
and understanding
falling upon her face
as all her words,
made of the
overwhelming
sorrow
repentance
heartache
heartbreak
anger
loss
pain
forgiveness
hope
love
it all spilled out,
flowing headstrong
over the gates
she’d constructed
to keep them
all safely
inside her mouth;
when she was finished,
she looked for proof
that she’d been
too much,
that her emotions had been
too big to share;
but she found none -
instead her heart
found
the compassion
of an old friend
staring back,
and she was thankful
Published 15th Nov 2019
| Edited 16th Nov 2019
Author's Note
Written for the Thankful competition 💜
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 11
reading list entries 8
comments 18
reads 511
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Nov 2019 12:28pm
15th Nov 2019 12:43pm
15th Nov 2019 2:51pm
People like that are priceless in our lives - they accept us for who we are, how we feel, and simply allow us to be as we are in the moment. One of the greatest lessons I ever learned was just sitting quietly with someone, holding their hand and listening without trying to fix anything, was often the greatest gift you could give.
This is a very passionate poem, Luna. It's vulnerable and truthful.
This is a very passionate poem, Luna. It's vulnerable and truthful.
15th Nov 2019 3:47pm
Very well said, and I completely agree. Thank you so much for the kindness 💜
15th Nov 2019 2:52pm
15th Nov 2019 3:50pm
15th Nov 2019 4:40pm
Epic title, first off. Great opening, builds interest in the content to follow. Second stanza continues that natural build, to continue after dying is intriguing. Perfect meter to the usage of caesura here. You emphasize and magnify the internal and then externalized effects of this confession she is making, well paced, gravitas imbued therein. Winsome close. Really tight spill sugah. 🙏
15th Nov 2019 4:49pm
Anonymous
15th Nov 2019 6:23pm
Glad to read this end on a high note. People who listen and refrain from judging are a rare find, especially for those of us who live extremely sheltered lives.
It's been 20 something years since I shared an actual restaraunt booth with a a friend, but even then, he wasn't the bare your soul type.
Thanks for shaking memories loose from trees, Luna.
It's been 20 something years since I shared an actual restaraunt booth with a a friend, but even then, he wasn't the bare your soul type.
Thanks for shaking memories loose from trees, Luna.
15th Nov 2019 9:11pm
15th Nov 2019 8:57pm
What a sterling write, Luna. Captivating. Loved every line. Engaging imagery. Short lines appropriate to the subject matter. Being an unconditional witness in someone else's presence is such a privilege, and very precious.
15th Nov 2019 9:12pm
Thank you, Josh. It has been my privilege and honor in this life to be on the other end of the table, and I am so thankful for being on the receiving end when I needed it. Thank you for your kind words 💜
16th Nov 2019 11:46pm
Beautiful on every side of this poem’s truth, Luna. You are well on your way in the competition - all the best.
Jade 🐾
Jade 🐾
17th Nov 2019 1:04am
19th Nov 2019 00:12am
Dear L,
If we get one friend in this lifetime that willingly takes on what we consider our worst side and continues to love us as is without reproach, then we are indeed truly blessed. This piece is a beautiful tribute to those, and us, in our turn for them. Such a wonderful way you have to write that poetically and yet the meaning is so crystal. Best of luck in the comp. Excellent write!
H🌷
If we get one friend in this lifetime that willingly takes on what we consider our worst side and continues to love us as is without reproach, then we are indeed truly blessed. This piece is a beautiful tribute to those, and us, in our turn for them. Such a wonderful way you have to write that poetically and yet the meaning is so crystal. Best of luck in the comp. Excellent write!
H🌷
19th Nov 2019 2:59am
Thank you so much, Honoria! I am so blessed to have a few of these folks in my life, both in person and online 💜💜💜
4th May 2021 9:03pm
Beautiful yet painful. An insight to a different side that kind of rips me open. I'm grateful to have read this all the same though.
4th May 2021 10:10pm
Oof, it’s been a while since I read this one again. Right there with you. Thank you for reading my words ❤️
