Forget her cause she never existed.

I finally have come to terms with how I feel.
My mind is done running in circles.
I took it off repeat.
I shook hands with myself and made a deal.
Put myself in the hot seat and faced some things that have been haunting.
Things I have been longing .
But are soon to be launching.
Saying goodbye to who I was known to be is such a treat.
Who would’ve thought all this pain would’ve come to an end and taste so sweet.
I didn’t accept defeat.
In the end it’s who I was meant to be.
I’ve grown my wings and now I’m free.
From a life full of names ,
                                 Games,
                                     Shame...
There’s finally some sunshine peeking through the rain.
I revisited this time and time again, but I just couldn’t pull myself together when I’d get sad again.
I wasn’t one of the boys.
I AM a boy.
I was trying to please everybody.
I was bending over backwards till my back broke and bent.
Just trying to blend.
Let them step all over me when I’d express the voice in my head.
People would just assume my “rebellious” actions were pretend.  
The guys I chose to be my friends.
Playing with the “wrong toys”
walking out of the house with the “wrong clothes”
They were convinced it was all a phase.
Now I realize they were right.
Cause the body I was given is about to change.
Out of this phase and into the next.
Finally reflecting the correct sex.
Wouldn’t expect them to understand something so complex.
By all means , don’t judge..
just re-educate & respect.
I’ve always lived with an uncomfortable disconnect.
At some point my thoughts of myself were wrecked.
I was extremely depressed.
Looking in the mirror was always the hardest to digest.
Constantly discontent.
My life is only in my hands. It’s up to me and I’ve come so close.
Just you watch, it’ll manifest.
Out on this lifelong quest. Slowly but surely progressed.
Hope y’all are just as impressed.
It’s Nikolas now,
          put Nicole to rest.