deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Performance
today is brighter,
but yesterday
was so damn dark;
floating just above
this flesh-encased
fortress
watching the shit show
from the very front row
where my crazy and I
make nervous eye contact,
she winks back mischievously
while she performs
her tricks;
angry,
disconnected,
dissociated, at last
what sweet relief to let go,
even if it means the destruction
will be total;
fear is for weaklings,
and she ain’t nobody’s bitch
she’s here to turn my magic
into a full-blown sacrifice;
if I can’t coax her off the stage,
there won’t be a thing left of you
when she finally takes her bow;
watch how her rage simmers,
no one likes being remanded
to dusty corners
of crowded minds
without the comfort of a broom;
so when she finally escapes
her filthy confines,
she really loves to put on a show -
leave ‘em wowed;
break a leg,
even if it isn’t her own
(especially if it isn’t her own)
and when she goes,
she always leaves my hands shaking,
using up all of my adrenaline stores
to make my wicked heart beat
like it’s trying to run from my chest,
my earliest memories
bearing down full-bore,
while my legs move slowly in the mud
until I burst into flames,
leaving ugly scars all over everyone
brave enough
to stand this close to a sun
reaching for supernova
I demanded my release
from this
self-made cocoon,
spun with silky tall tales
(inner turmoil, the recurring theme)
where I’m busy
fashioning wings
out of the sludge here at the bottom -
time-tempered guilt
sewn down to a loss of self,
awkward advances,
ill-timed humor,
hyper-sexual hypomania,
looking for love
in places it cannot exist;
shameful moments the glue
holding it all together -
I couldn’t have done any better,
my prognosis as bleak as ever;
or so they keep assuring me
in those offices
where chemically-induced stability
is the best they hope for;
but I’ll wear this tin-can recrimination,
rough-cast and unpolished,
strapped to my back
all the same;
comfort derived from dysfunction
is still comfortable, yeah?
~ awaiting your departure ~
the one self-prophesied
from the very beginning,
the one always fulfilled;
gut-punched breaths
forcing their way
from frustrated, tight lips;
I know what I know that I know,
the empath goddess
always seemed to have
the truth written on her hands;
turns out, the truth she held
was that I don’t know a damn thing,
not anymore;
the hallway is a bitch
the paint still fresh on all these doors;
I want access
to what lay beyond them,
but someone hid all the keys,
leaving me no choice
except to attempt entry
by brute force alone;
it’s no wonder
I’ve been kicked out
so many times
my shoulders are strong, though
from carrying all the weight
I added to keep myself safe;
I’ll keep tearing them down
until I find the one
that leads back to you.
today is brighter,
but yesterday
was so damn dark
but yesterday
was so damn dark;
floating just above
this flesh-encased
fortress
watching the shit show
from the very front row
where my crazy and I
make nervous eye contact,
she winks back mischievously
while she performs
her tricks;
angry,
disconnected,
dissociated, at last
what sweet relief to let go,
even if it means the destruction
will be total;
fear is for weaklings,
and she ain’t nobody’s bitch
she’s here to turn my magic
into a full-blown sacrifice;
if I can’t coax her off the stage,
there won’t be a thing left of you
when she finally takes her bow;
watch how her rage simmers,
no one likes being remanded
to dusty corners
of crowded minds
without the comfort of a broom;
so when she finally escapes
her filthy confines,
she really loves to put on a show -
leave ‘em wowed;
break a leg,
even if it isn’t her own
(especially if it isn’t her own)
and when she goes,
she always leaves my hands shaking,
using up all of my adrenaline stores
to make my wicked heart beat
like it’s trying to run from my chest,
my earliest memories
bearing down full-bore,
while my legs move slowly in the mud
until I burst into flames,
leaving ugly scars all over everyone
brave enough
to stand this close to a sun
reaching for supernova
I demanded my release
from this
self-made cocoon,
spun with silky tall tales
(inner turmoil, the recurring theme)
where I’m busy
fashioning wings
out of the sludge here at the bottom -
time-tempered guilt
sewn down to a loss of self,
awkward advances,
ill-timed humor,
hyper-sexual hypomania,
looking for love
in places it cannot exist;
shameful moments the glue
holding it all together -
I couldn’t have done any better,
my prognosis as bleak as ever;
or so they keep assuring me
in those offices
where chemically-induced stability
is the best they hope for;
but I’ll wear this tin-can recrimination,
rough-cast and unpolished,
strapped to my back
all the same;
comfort derived from dysfunction
is still comfortable, yeah?
~ awaiting your departure ~
the one self-prophesied
from the very beginning,
the one always fulfilled;
gut-punched breaths
forcing their way
from frustrated, tight lips;
I know what I know that I know,
the empath goddess
always seemed to have
the truth written on her hands;
turns out, the truth she held
was that I don’t know a damn thing,
not anymore;
the hallway is a bitch
the paint still fresh on all these doors;
I want access
to what lay beyond them,
but someone hid all the keys,
leaving me no choice
except to attempt entry
by brute force alone;
it’s no wonder
I’ve been kicked out
so many times
my shoulders are strong, though
from carrying all the weight
I added to keep myself safe;
I’ll keep tearing them down
until I find the one
that leads back to you.
today is brighter,
but yesterday
was so damn dark
Published 3rd Nov 2019
Author's Note
When the light breaks through, it’s not always an easy transition. Comfort derived from dysfunction is still comfortable, yeah?
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 4
comments 10
reads 455
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd Nov 2019 8:30pm
I love the idea of you humanizing your "crazy" to see it as another person perhaps. It's a fantastic concept.
And the line "watching the shit show
from the very front row" is just wonderful. Like a song lyric for every genre.
Describing being in your head like a stage show is just fantastic. Even with the deep and dark subject matter.
And fashioning wings out of sludge. I imagine scooping and scooping and only seeing a pile.
This is a great write full of wonderful imagery the way you put everything.
PS, I'm not going anywhere nor believe in prophecies 😏
And the line "watching the shit show
from the very front row" is just wonderful. Like a song lyric for every genre.
Describing being in your head like a stage show is just fantastic. Even with the deep and dark subject matter.
And fashioning wings out of sludge. I imagine scooping and scooping and only seeing a pile.
This is a great write full of wonderful imagery the way you put everything.
PS, I'm not going anywhere nor believe in prophecies 😏
4th Nov 2019 4:44am
Dear L,
Oh boy. I hate days like that. And my self made wings usually have great big holes in them.
But...
A new day dawns and a new way to re-do something is presented and I may ache from something left over from the previous day however, I intend to grab this one by the nuts and go with it.
This piece has summed up so much of that to me. It’s an excellent write with so many fantastic references to inner strength. As delicate as the human body and spirit can be it’s astonishing at times its brute strength and force when needed.
Congrats on slugging it through to a new day and awesome write! Xx H🌷
Oh boy. I hate days like that. And my self made wings usually have great big holes in them.
But...
A new day dawns and a new way to re-do something is presented and I may ache from something left over from the previous day however, I intend to grab this one by the nuts and go with it.
This piece has summed up so much of that to me. It’s an excellent write with so many fantastic references to inner strength. As delicate as the human body and spirit can be it’s astonishing at times its brute strength and force when needed.
Congrats on slugging it through to a new day and awesome write! Xx H🌷
4th Nov 2019 12:18pm
I am continuously amazed by how much we can take, both physically and emotionally, in a lifetime. And we generally wake up tomorrow to do it all again, even knowing that. So, there are always still slivers of light shining in, even in the darkest moments. It’s just becomes about grabbing onto them and getting yourself warm again. I consider you one of those slices of light in this season, and I am thankful for you 💜.
4th Nov 2019 7:57pm
4th Nov 2019 7:28pm
Love these lines.
"watching the shit show
from the very front row
where my crazy and I
make nervous eye contact"
Many great lines but those stood out to me. Good stuff. 😁
"watching the shit show
from the very front row
where my crazy and I
make nervous eye contact"
Many great lines but those stood out to me. Good stuff. 😁
5th Nov 2019 12:31pm
Thank you! I like the idea that we sometimes flirt with our own disaster, mostly because I think it’s true lol. Thanks for the RL, it’s so much appreciated 💜.
6th Nov 2019 3:12pm
Terrific meter and vivid emotion in the tangential quality of this spill. Great metaphors. Vulnerability always touches something deep and true in others. 🙏🏻
6th Nov 2019 10:01pm
10th Jan 2020 1:52am
Sums up my participation here. I made direct eye contact with my crazy. She winked, alright... but not just at me. 😆
... if only.😊
👏
But.... not to lose sight of the poem's purpose.
Getting back to Love with the mighty power of a crazy bitch. 🏆🌹😍😇
... if only.😊
👏
But.... not to lose sight of the poem's purpose.
Getting back to Love with the mighty power of a crazy bitch. 🏆🌹😍😇
11th May 2021 8:31pm
I came to comment but realized i said what i would say. Lol.
Whooooaaaaa. Trippy.
Beyond so many fantastic expressions here, i still love how you isolated the emotion as another character. It's a beautiful conceptualization to play with.
Whooooaaaaa. Trippy.
Beyond so many fantastic expressions here, i still love how you isolated the emotion as another character. It's a beautiful conceptualization to play with.
