Getting There

I started out with nothing
I started out with not a chance
I started out with trauma
I started life a burden

I worked so are in school
I worked so are at home
I split wood and cleaned house
I babysat
I did tile
I did grout

I started to get somewhere in life
Awards and certificates a plenty
Every milestone reached
Some acheivements I reached early

I wanted a perfect family
A husband
Babies
A puppy

I wanted a little farm
Chickens, cattle and some donkeys
I wanted to build furniture
I wanted to rebuild cars

I had so many dreams
I had so much to work towards
I met a man I thought was perfect
Got with him prematurely

Was still in school and he was on his way to 30
I didn't care how old he was
I didn't care that he had children already
I fell so very hard

I took parenting classes
I aced them
I had his babies pictures in my locker
My mom
She all but hated him

I stayed devoted to him anyway
We broke eachothers hearts and cheated on one another
I moved away to Florida
But still I loved the fucker

After some further trauma down south
I moved home and go my own trailer
I tried to move on but it was only more and more failure

I lost my home and a baby and moved in with my brother
I found him again and we moved in together

After a hard time starting our life
We finally got our own trailer.
We had our son and I thought I ad finally got the life id always dreamed of

Soon I learned the truth of his betrayal
I moved away and I took our baby
I tried to get him to come and see him

He wasn't interested in being the dad I thought he'd be
I stayed with an old friend of my brothers
Who'd always been there for me

He'd always been a shoulder to cry on
A person I could always lean on.
He help me tight and kept me close
Things kinda changed from then on

Soon afterward I found myself in over my head
I gave birth to my second son and married his daddy
Soon after things went South
He wasn't the same behind closed doors

I took his home and he went to jail and soon I lost myself
Self loathing took over my life
I didn't see the gifts I had still

Acted like my kids weren't enough and boo hoped over the men I had lost
Soon I'd lose my fight and my sanity
I turned to drugs and alcohol
And I then lost it all

I lost my mind
I lost my youngest
I tried to lose my life
I lived and then I lost my oldest

All I had was an empty home
My cat
And an empty kids room
To remind me of the mistakes I'd made

Not a thing could fix them
I wallowed in self pity
For years I did nothing but accept defeat
I had beaten myself so badly that I couldn't be saved

Then after any abusive relationships
Drug abuse and shitty living situations

I met someone who along with his family
Saw the potential I carried
Soon I had a home
I had a job and started school

I just got a great review at work
I've passed nearly all my tests at school
I'll be graduating in August
And If all goes as planned
I will soon be a supervisor at work

Things are looking up
I see my youngest from time to time
I'm taking him some goodies from my work next payday
I can't wait to give them to him

I'm far from getting things back to normal
I haven't begun to make it all up
I've come so far from where I've been
Slowly but surely I'm getting there ..