shadered

first:

*shattered
*despair
*shatter
*fair

if you really care for honest critique to get better at writing, try to put life into the words that people hear all the time. simple statements won't evoke a reaction in the reader unless they're used in a particular way. i still have plenty of trouble with that myself, but here's a rough example:

i once had a heart
it's shattered now
and no matter how many times
i put it back together
it just breaks
again

and my hands
bleed despair

it's not fair
how yours is still
so perfectly sound
and mine
is the same broken
as if
we'd never happened at all

really rough, but maybe you see what i mean?

welcome to DU, i hope you find you can grow here. [:

get more emotional

hi

sorry kaykayslaughter my cuzin is just getting use to the website and does not really know how to respond to peoples responses

i total agree with the first comment