deepundergroundpoetry.com
Numb
The knotts in my stomach are becoming tighter.
Straining to pull together like a closed circle.
I cant hold back the pain, but i know i am stronger.
My head tells me to find my desires but something else tells me to burn them all, maybe its the fear of breaking my own heart.
While im dressed in tears, my pain is seeping through the cracks.
Tainted with fears, I will always plead for you to come back,
before i turn numb.
Straining to pull together like a closed circle.
I cant hold back the pain, but i know i am stronger.
My head tells me to find my desires but something else tells me to burn them all, maybe its the fear of breaking my own heart.
While im dressed in tears, my pain is seeping through the cracks.
Tainted with fears, I will always plead for you to come back,
before i turn numb.
Published 8th Jan 2010
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Anonymous
9th Jan 2010 1:42am
Again, the structure's a bit off, but the language is marvellous. The "closed circle" simile and "dressed in tears" metaphors were both excellent.
9th Jan 2010 3:44am
you need to think a bit more about your story. what you're writing about.
but not at first, you should just write what you feel straight out.
just practice going back and reading it. try re-writing it. it's important
to let a day or so pass. you'll be surprised at what you find.
the good part is that you're coming up with phrases like "dressed in tears" ,
"who bleeds more than blood" , "You'll always be that hole in my heart".
(last two from your other poems)
you've got a feel for it. smile.
but not at first, you should just write what you feel straight out.
just practice going back and reading it. try re-writing it. it's important
to let a day or so pass. you'll be surprised at what you find.
the good part is that you're coming up with phrases like "dressed in tears" ,
"who bleeds more than blood" , "You'll always be that hole in my heart".
(last two from your other poems)
you've got a feel for it. smile.
12th Jan 2010 10:43pm
14th Nov 2010 2:11am
