deepundergroundpoetry.com
Prison of love
My eyes lingered at her beauty
Her timeless gaze distilled through mine
A brief liaison swirls in silence
Unconscious longing never dies
This spider's web of solitude
A padded cell so destitute
This fatal curse within my soul
Imprisoned in the truth untold
Incarcerated dreams dissolve
In soft asylums glazed with gold
Just a phantom flame remains
Extinguished by Autumn rains
Her timeless gaze distilled through mine
A brief liaison swirls in silence
Unconscious longing never dies
This spider's web of solitude
A padded cell so destitute
This fatal curse within my soul
Imprisoned in the truth untold
Incarcerated dreams dissolve
In soft asylums glazed with gold
Just a phantom flame remains
Extinguished by Autumn rains
Published 10th Sep 2019
| Edited 11th Sep 2019
Author's Note
I must have said the wrong thing?
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 0
comments 14
reads 744
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
10th Sep 2019 10:17pm
"Her timeless gaze distilled through mine", what a beautiful way to describe that connection. Love does not know time.
Great spill.
Welcome to DUP.
Great spill.
Welcome to DUP.
11th Sep 2019 8:51am
11th Sep 2019 3:06am
Sometimes two people just don't mix well. I wouldn't beat myself up over it, if it's meant to be it will be. Welcome!
Anonymous
11th Sep 2019 11:50am
You could seal the deal with "by Autumn rains" for the rhyming effect or "Autumn's rain".
I say this because that final "the" feels extraneous.
I say that because the rest of the poem is extremely well written with great word efficiency. Don't forget the contraction in "spider's".
Welcome back.
I say this because that final "the" feels extraneous.
I say that because the rest of the poem is extremely well written with great word efficiency. Don't forget the contraction in "spider's".
Welcome back.
11th Sep 2019 7:06pm
Anonymous
- Edited 25th Oct 2022 6:45pm
11th Sep 2019 10:22pm
<< post removed >>
22nd Sep 2019 5:42pm
There is a lovely melancholy in this write, like the gentle patter of rain. Great harmony in the subtle rhyme.
It is difficult to part ways, I never knew a physical pain that lingered like that of the heart, but when we appreciate the lesson imparted in the time we've shared, it's purpose is realized. Namaste.
It is difficult to part ways, I never knew a physical pain that lingered like that of the heart, but when we appreciate the lesson imparted in the time we've shared, it's purpose is realized. Namaste.
22nd Sep 2019 5:57pm
Melancholy is definitely a word that describes my nature. There appears to be an eternal dark cloud hovering over me.
I appreciate your comments and I look forward to writing more.
I appreciate your comments and I look forward to writing more.
22nd Sep 2019 6:08pm
22nd Sep 2019 6:13pm
Thanks. Something was playing with my mind when I wrote this. It would be great if I could reveal more.
22nd Sep 2019 6:18pm
your welcome the mind does do that sometimes maybe you can reveal it in pieces giving alittle bit at a time it would make a good read as this picece does...just a though
22nd Sep 2019 10:34pm
