This is my confession(1)

If I am a failure then it's all my fault
I'm not quite fast enough in my healing
I keep on tripping in my own brain
Running and running to that goal in my head
Maybe I'll be better, maybe I'll get better, fuck I have to get better
I need to get better for everyone else
But deep down inside I'm not good enough for myself
Running and running from the core of myself
I am an artist, far too sensitive, aggressive and violent
That's just who I am.
I cant change these glorious things that I hate about myself
I cry so easily, give up quite often
I fight and I fight my battles but seem to be losing the war
Where am I going? Does anyone know?
They tell me I'm still so very young but I feel so very old
I'm surrounded by the darkness that is mine
It's easy to blame others, it is easy to hate
It's easy to leave the ones who make it so difficult to manage myself
I can't keep running, I just want to die
It wouldnt be easier for those I leave behind
But then they wouldnt have to hear me crying
Help me with my anxiety attacks
Pull me off the floor when my depression comes back
Deal with my "I love yous" when the whiskey hits my blood
Gods, how could you do this?
Make me this way
I would spit in your face
For the pain inside I feel every day
If I am a failure you certainly didn't help