Hope Lost. Hope Regained.

I have been avoiding
Some demons
Demons that keep reminding
me of what could've been
They keep reminding
me of my failures
They keep trying
to use doubt as a weapon
They keep trying
to take away my dreams

What I am learning
is that repression
is a prison of its own,
so I have decided to
look each of them eye to eye
To have a conversation
with each one and
understand where
they are coming from

You see these demons
are my own thoughts
I have ignored them
for too long and now
my heart is too heavy.

Thoughts of failure:

I used to fear you
I used to hate
the idea of you
That is until I became you
I kept working
Then failing
Then getting up
Only to fail again
I didn't see how my character
Was being build
I didn't learn and as such
Repeated the same mistakes
So it wasn't failure that I hated
But myself.
I had grown too hard on myself
Believing that I am invincible
So I needed to fall
But the more I fear failure
Is the more I actually fail
So what I now believe is that
I just have to do my best
No matter the result
So long as I feel in my soul
That I have put in my all

Thoughts about Love:

If I am being honest
I sometimes forget about love
My passion is allocated
To the pursuit of my dreams
I sometimes forget about people
Not because I dislike people
But I dislike the conditions
I was born into
I look at my life and think
Surely there is more
Surely this is not where I should end up
And as such I love the chase

What I have learned is that love
Is both the cure and the cause
Of ones heartache

A broken heart is not always a bad thing, sometimes it is our hurt
that makes us empathetic
towards others

If we build walls we are depriving ourselves of love
and as such we die inside
bit by bit with each brick layed
And you just become a bitter soul
So in order to be a better soul
Just love, love yourself
Love yourself like
your life depends on it

Do what you love so that
you know that you
will put your all into
creating the life you deserve

Then when your cup is full
and starts overflowing,
share your love with others
Help them fill up their own cups
Be the person you wish you had
when you were in pain
as not everyone is as strong as you

Thoughts about Hope:

My demons are also my angels
They reflect what is within my soul
And as such I am filled with hope
A new hope for myself
A hope I never had a few moments ago
I truly believed that I didn't deserve
Any good thing in my life
Because each attempt had a negative
Result.

Love lead to heartache
My dreams nearly depressed me
My work lead to failure
My state of self was nearly lost

But here I am cracked
Only to realize that I am not ice
Just water returning to its natural state
Taking up a state of formlessness
As I become pure in my pursuit

I am hopeful
not because I know the future
Rather I am hopeful because
I am the future

I am the going to be the angel
That brings light to the world
It all starts with one step
In the direction of belief