The Secret Word

A friend an I were talking about
annoying shit kids do, all the noises
and shreiks then I remebered the time
I was tormenting my mom with
Pee-wee Hermans secret word of
the day. Pee-wee would pick a random
word like "the" or "what" or sometimes
"afternoon" and whenever someone
would say it, you were supposed to
scream really loud. It was Saturday
and the show just ended and my mom
had just woken up, I was sitting in the
front room on the floor wearing my
Cabbage Patch knee high slippers
and a CareBear nightgown all reved up
on my Life cereal with about 10 spoon
fulls of sugar on top and with my mom
now awake I had someone to bug.

I found her in the kitchen messing with
the coffee maker I began a conversation
with her, every time she would say
"and" I would scream really fucking loud,
at first she ignored it and tried to make
her coffee but she kept talking so I kept
screaming at every "and" then the
stop it came then she gave me the look
with a raised hand, I remember laughing
on the inside because my mom was
getting so mad at me and the coffee
maker. I went to see if the thing was
unplugged it wasn't. we began chatting
again so I started the screaming again
she asked me to stop, I just couldn't,
not only did it feel great to scream
I loved pissing my mom off.  

I was probably 3 inches away from her
she was warning me not to do it,
that I'd regret it if I did, she said "and"
I screamed, she smacked me so hard
that my head bounced off the side of
the coffee maker and magically made
it work. I was holding my face laughing
so hard. My mom was laughing getting
her cup ready. I got smacked a few
more times that week for screaming
"like a maniac" Pee-Wee's Playhouse
was basically banned in my house
but only if my mom got up early enough
to catch me watching it.

I miss 1986. All the simple shit.