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People
I'm scared of my past
I look into the future
I see a road to destruction
Where is my place in this world ?
I'm lost in the middle of nowhere
Looking for a sign
The one that says lives got meaning and I'm not losing my mind
I want to believe that am a part of something greater
Something to save the human race,
Unite black and white.
To create a unique, precious and kind civilisation
One better than before
Is there a flaw in our making ?
That we think we are better than each other?
We take joy from stepping on each other.
It's an illness we inherited from being sophisticated.
There isn't enough time to enjoy a beautiful day, watch the sunset or watch the moon rise.
It's ironic that we get smarter and dumber at the same time
But who would believe that we could have a world without crime ?
I look into the future
I see a road to destruction
Where is my place in this world ?
I'm lost in the middle of nowhere
Looking for a sign
The one that says lives got meaning and I'm not losing my mind
I want to believe that am a part of something greater
Something to save the human race,
Unite black and white.
To create a unique, precious and kind civilisation
One better than before
Is there a flaw in our making ?
That we think we are better than each other?
We take joy from stepping on each other.
It's an illness we inherited from being sophisticated.
There isn't enough time to enjoy a beautiful day, watch the sunset or watch the moon rise.
It's ironic that we get smarter and dumber at the same time
But who would believe that we could have a world without crime ?
Published 8th Jul 2019
| Edited 28th Jul 2019
Author's Note
As the poem suggests we need to change for the better
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 422
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
8th Jul 2019 8:54pm
welcome
to the community deep down underground
dear friend.
couldn't agree more with the sentiment
and the expression
yes
"It's ironic that we get smarter and dumber at the same time "
to the community deep down underground
dear friend.
couldn't agree more with the sentiment
and the expression
yes
"It's ironic that we get smarter and dumber at the same time "
8th Jul 2019 9:09pm
Thanks for the comment. It's really appreciated. I believe we need to change to improve of our self and our community.
11th Jul 2019 10:58pm
Hello
Welcome to the DU.
Thank you for sharing this poem.
Appreciated reading it
Al
Welcome to the DU.
Thank you for sharing this poem.
Appreciated reading it
Al
16th Jul 2019 5:05pm
Anonymous
- Edited 20th Jul 2019 7:22pm
20th Jul 2019 6:42pm
Hey, 903M, I enjoyed the message expressed here.
Since you are requesting Honest Critique, I have some suggestions.
Firstly, it looks to me like line 12 has a typo; "previous" should be "precious" ...? This actually happens to me a lot when typing out the same word on a tiny tablet keyboard.
====================
Something to consider -
"I'm standing at Heaven's cross"
It's more of a distracting incomplete thought than anything else; if you strip it from the poem, the poem loses absolutely nothing of value.
====================
Also -
"Where is my place in this world ?
I'm lost in the middle of nowhere
Looking for a sign"
1. Signs are symbols, road signs portray symbols - a cross is a symbol. So if you aren't satisfied with finding the sign that is Heaven's cross, it's safe to say no other sign will suffice?
2. You aren't lost in the middle of nowhere if you standing at Heaven's cross.
Again, if you ditch Line 4 altogether - both contradictions are removed.
====================
"I look into the future
I'm scared of my past"
I would consider reversing Lines 1 and 2 to reflect what you really seem concerned with - the future of Humankind and the road of destruction ahead.
"I look into the past
I'm scared of the future"
====================
Since you are requesting Honest Critique, I have some suggestions.
Firstly, it looks to me like line 12 has a typo; "previous" should be "precious" ...? This actually happens to me a lot when typing out the same word on a tiny tablet keyboard.
====================
Something to consider -
"I'm standing at Heaven's cross"
It's more of a distracting incomplete thought than anything else; if you strip it from the poem, the poem loses absolutely nothing of value.
====================
Also -
"Where is my place in this world ?
I'm lost in the middle of nowhere
Looking for a sign"
1. Signs are symbols, road signs portray symbols - a cross is a symbol. So if you aren't satisfied with finding the sign that is Heaven's cross, it's safe to say no other sign will suffice?
2. You aren't lost in the middle of nowhere if you standing at Heaven's cross.
Again, if you ditch Line 4 altogether - both contradictions are removed.
====================
"I look into the future
I'm scared of my past"
I would consider reversing Lines 1 and 2 to reflect what you really seem concerned with - the future of Humankind and the road of destruction ahead.
"I look into the past
I'm scared of the future"
====================
Thanks for your two cents . You have been very helpful. When I said I'm lost in the middle of nowhere . Its not a location but an expression of how i feel such as when you don't identify yourself with something new.
