deepundergroundpoetry.com
Why Me?
And he kept spitting.
Spitting blood and saliva and hatred,
Mixed into one congealed mess.
I deserved it, he said.
Crouched at his feet
Scalp on fire, hair tangled around his fist.
Crying, crying.
He lets me go. Throws me down on the floor
The rage rises in me again
I argue inside:
‘I will not be treated like this’
‘No, leave it alone, leave it alone.’
‘I will not.’
I get up.
Hands claw-like, they tear blindly at his flesh
I bite. Taste his blood in my mouth.
I am pinned again,
Head to the floor,
Neck twisted to some unearthly angle
I am expecting a snap that never comes.
Instead I am thrown against a wall
My head strikes it and the rooms spins.
Dark and stars, and dark and bright lights whiz past.
I have fallen.
No match for him, of course, like he said.
Like he always says.
His ugly mouth, shaping ugly words,
They pour into my ears.
Profanity after insult after curse.
Maybe I deserve it.
Why me?
Spitting blood and saliva and hatred,
Mixed into one congealed mess.
I deserved it, he said.
Crouched at his feet
Scalp on fire, hair tangled around his fist.
Crying, crying.
He lets me go. Throws me down on the floor
The rage rises in me again
I argue inside:
‘I will not be treated like this’
‘No, leave it alone, leave it alone.’
‘I will not.’
I get up.
Hands claw-like, they tear blindly at his flesh
I bite. Taste his blood in my mouth.
I am pinned again,
Head to the floor,
Neck twisted to some unearthly angle
I am expecting a snap that never comes.
Instead I am thrown against a wall
My head strikes it and the rooms spins.
Dark and stars, and dark and bright lights whiz past.
I have fallen.
No match for him, of course, like he said.
Like he always says.
His ugly mouth, shaping ugly words,
They pour into my ears.
Profanity after insult after curse.
Maybe I deserve it.
Why me?
Published 5th Jan 2010
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5th Jan 2010 9:44pm
just few tips to consider:
i thought you could take two lines away from the poem. one is: "I have fallen"
as it becomes quite obviuos from the description above. and another is the last line: "why me?" it is already in the title and spoils the whole poem. apart from that i like it, nice intense poem. takes you, well, me as a reader, straight into the action
i thought you could take two lines away from the poem. one is: "I have fallen"
as it becomes quite obviuos from the description above. and another is the last line: "why me?" it is already in the title and spoils the whole poem. apart from that i like it, nice intense poem. takes you, well, me as a reader, straight into the action
5th Jan 2010 9:55pm
After having read and re-read this pice, I agree with the last line not needing to be there but the line 'I have fallen' I want to keep because it isn't just about the action of falling, it is the idea of falling victim, falling from grace, falling from light and falling out of love. I think I might do a few more re-writes of this so thank you for your advice :)
MoS x
MoS x
5th Jan 2010 10:13pm
