I To Me

I walk along like a marionette
Turning this way and turning that
Churning out gold nugget waste
Pushed along by an invisible hand
That never moves in haste.

He controls where I will go
And builds the railroad of our traction
Call it God; this nothingness
Is the true determiner of action.

Nothing defines everything
And all I know is there’s no I or me
In any step I take, any thought – there’s no mistake
And I can feel no victory
Only the hand that pushes me.

It removes all of my pain
And carries it and then I learn
That it’s not mine at all
And I reluctantly feel I am not alone.


I was walking along the road
Blaming myself all the way
Until I walked right out of my body –
I one became two and glanced back:
There she stood, still on the track
And I, ahead, felt something
Pushing against my back
The invisible hand that’s been moving me
Not my heart, or mind, or dreams,
No decisions, mistakes, responsibilities.
It was a sublime moment;
I had been thinking of death just before.
I’m the feathers of a duck
And everything is water rolling onto the floor.
Keeping up conversations
Costs so much effort it’s become a chore
There’s really nothing about which I care
And lately no matter where I’ve been
I’m never fully there.
I’ve known love, I can’t imagine more,
What else could I ever hope for?
It was me with me –
And sex – eh. I’m apathetic
To the thought of some faceless dick.
So I was thinking, perhaps I’ll have a short life,
I’ve done what I wanted, and as I look ahead
All the roads stop to an end that’s dead.
I don’t care for the world, it’s out of my head
And I’m out of its clutches
Almost nothing touches
Deeper than surface skin –
So a short life may be mine to win.
Yeah, I’m ready to die
I have nowhere to go
And then I walked out of my
Own skin and I know
That there’s no I to me,
Only the hand that pushes invisibly.


09/08/10