the lil' angel who saved me

 
so many things go through my mind
as i sit here tonight writing rhymes,
i wonder to myself how things turned so bad
why it couldn't remain the way it once was,,

too many times i have failed to understand
just point a finger and place the blame,
but times like these it can't be done that way
just have to dig deep down inside for one of the memories i hold,

look into the things at hand
try my best to handle it all right,
instead of falling back to old times
when i would just strike out to end the fight,

it's some how different this time around
but i can't put my finger on things,
a battle that's tough in every way i know
but i just can't let it go,

i study it every way i can to comprehend
but i wind up back where it all begins,
every morning i stand in front of the mirror
seeking the answers i need to win this round,

but like yesterday ,today i found another blank
looking back at my way ,just one more minute i need,
so i can sort it out and make it right
i know i can do it if i step up and fight,

but i have come to learn it's a little more difficult
to beat what isn't really there to battle,
so inside is where i stand tall and fight
hoping one day it'll work out.

i wonder to myself at times
if it's just in my own mind,
this nightmare i face each night and day
along this old lonely highway,,

i know if i keep moving forward i'll find away
to make the change i need to make,
just taking a lot more time playing this game
looking for away to win the battle at hand,,,

i close my eyes to clear my head
but always seem to find her standing there,
the lil' angel that saved me like she has so many times
from ending things quietly in the night time hours,,

so much pain would be felt in the end
if i didn't wake each new day to be,
the papaw she will forever need
i guess when i think it through good,

i have already found the answers i seek
for some reason i have been blind to what i need in life,
but each morning when she walks into the room
i hear those little feet coming fast as she can,

looking for her papaw in another room waiting
a smile i always find as she enters the room,
but still some thing seem's to be missing
until she climbs in my lap and snuggles close,

that lil angel of mine i love more than life
helps me to understand nothing  is wrong,
just another endless song playing along
reminding me of all the yesterdays gone,,

now i sit here in this room alone
wondering what it would be like,
if she wasn't here in my life
to help me see every thing will be alright,

Jasmine Abela Whitson (bam bam)
my whole world wrapped up in her heart,
making life so much brighter in every way
guess i have my answer that i seek,,

each time i look into those little eyes of a child
one who looks up to me to always keep her safe,
maybe i didn't understand at first, i guess it could be
just another moment that i needed to find myself,

wrapped up in some thing that makes life important
like my wife and my son and grand daughter,
three most important people i know
standing right here in this house by my side,

even at the moments i want to just give up
and walk out the door into another world,
i always find the answer as i walk away into the night
she lay's in the bed waiting for her papaw to arrive,

to snuggle up next to her and mamaw for the night
another moment of time i feel is so right,
as i lay there in the dark thoughts going wild
i know it'll be alright when i wake the next morning,

as i rise to begin another day in my own paradise
filled with so much more than i have ever known,
she is only three years old and so smart
yeah she stole my heart long ago,,,,

the lil' angel who saved me,,,,,,,,,,,

(i know that pretty soon a lot of things are going to change and it's not going to be for the good, all i know is that it's going to effect us all in every way possible, especially sissy because she still doesn't understand what is going on , i feel that things should be treated as if she was in a foster care home, because i know from experience that things would really be viewed in every way possible, i can't and want place blame or any judgement on any one, but however in the end i feel she*(sissy) will be placed back in with her mom and it'll break her little loving and caring heart and shatter her whole world all over again because i know she will not be able to understand what is going on i wish i could figure out how to fix things so that she can stay here with us like she has this past seven months, yeah i understand it'll be a trial bases for now, but dealing with the state of Kentucky and from experience of my own childhood being place in one home to another never in one place to gain any kind of friendship or understanding why things are the way they are now, all i can do after spending several months trying to find away to make things remain the way they are now with sissy living with us, all i can do is pray and hope that it will not work out with her staying at her moms, I've even thought about going to see a lawyer to see what legal ways we can take things to make sure it remains the way it is, all i know is this past seven months things have been great, yeah we have our ups and downs that is just part of life that i have to accept no matter how things turn out,,,,,,,,

  so from this point on i am just going to roll with things and pray it works out for the better for sissy because she damn sure doesn't need to be placed back in a home where she isn't loved the way she deserves to be cared for and loved,,  yeah there are many things and ways i can take to ensure she stays with her mamaw, but in the end it would only cause her to lose another person who tells her they love her and care for her, so it would only bring along a lot of pain she doesn't need or deserve,, so after really thinking things over i came to realize that it makes no difference how i look at it the best way to deal with it all is to just be there when she needs me and support her every way i possibly can to ensure she has what she needs each day,,,

so i am just going to allow the anger i have built up to fade away and find myself once again just being papaw for my lil angel who saved me,,,,,,,,,,