deepundergroundpoetry.com
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
White knuckled, clinging the to branch of another’s tree
too risky my own soul to bare
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
Mimicking the characters on the T.V. I see
reality just isn’t fair
white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree
Ridiculed by loved ones and neighbors most probably
for my art they really won’t care
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
Following beliefs of clergy, friends, and family
not knowing if God’s really there
white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree
Disillusion threatens inconspicuous safety
heroes broken beyond repair
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
Now finally prepared to embrace eccentricity
heart, mind, and soul fly through the air
white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
too risky my own soul to bare
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
Mimicking the characters on the T.V. I see
reality just isn’t fair
white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree
Ridiculed by loved ones and neighbors most probably
for my art they really won’t care
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
Following beliefs of clergy, friends, and family
not knowing if God’s really there
white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree
Disillusion threatens inconspicuous safety
heroes broken beyond repair
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
Now finally prepared to embrace eccentricity
heart, mind, and soul fly through the air
white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree
plunging into the mysterious abyss I call me
Published 9th Apr 2019
Author's Note
NaPo/GloPoWriMo poem #8. A quite clunky, ponderous villanelle...or not. I can do better.
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likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 11
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The author encourages honest critique.
9th Apr 2019 6:57am
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Not only the form, but for the process to a decision being made.
Yes, be true to yourself, for no one else lives within.
Nicely done, Bob
Yes, be true to yourself, for no one else lives within.
Nicely done, Bob
9th Apr 2019 7:10am
Thank you so much, Teri. This one took a lot of retooling. I had it finished this afternoon but neglected to rhyme all of the b's. This form is beautiful in it's repetition. I am glad you enjoyed it. I read a discussion of the form by Josh and another on the forum and had to try it again.
9th Apr 2019 2:00pm
Another fascinating spill!! You say you could've done better, but I think it's smooth as butter. The message was well conveyed too. Keep them coming!!
21st Apr 2019 8:40pm
Thank you, Pandora! Doh! I remember reading this first comment but neglected to respond. I enjoy the smooth as butter comment. First time anything related to our me is described that way 😎
9th Apr 2019 2:29pm
"A quite clunky, ponderous villanelle...or not"
I don't read it as clunky.
The repeating line "white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree" has a powerful rhythm to it evoking a sense of 'clinging on'
Check out 3 'clunky' villanelles
1)."Nightline: A Interview With The General" by Ronald Wallace (1945- ).
2)."The Waking" by Theodore Roethke (1908-1863)
3)."Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
I don't read it as clunky.
The repeating line "white knuckled, clinging to the branch of another’s tree" has a powerful rhythm to it evoking a sense of 'clinging on'
Check out 3 'clunky' villanelles
1)."Nightline: A Interview With The General" by Ronald Wallace (1945- ).
2)."The Waking" by Theodore Roethke (1908-1863)
3)."Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas (1914-1953)
21st Apr 2019 8:42pm
Josh, I appreciate your kind words. I've read the Thomas piece...I'll check out the other two.
9th Apr 2019 11:27pm
I particularly like how you use the repeated lines. Then there's that "mysterious abyss" at the end. This shows more than depth, but the sign of a fine poet. Excellent job!
21st Apr 2019 8:36pm
Thank you, Sir Crow! I read your comment days ago and forgot to respond. J actually built this piece around the abyss passage. My self is still a great mystery to me.
20th Apr 2019 2:42am
20th Apr 2019 4:51am
20th Apr 2019 9:55pm
