deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cloudburst
The clouds looming overhead
Looking like a chance of rain
Precipitation hits the street
Peace of mind down the storm drain
But I ignore this, try to write
And not touch the red delete
Few reads and no comments
But I cannot admit defeat
I try to avoid the pointless rhymes
A rhythm that just goes nowhere
I attempt to let it flow
And do it with a bit of flair
But the rigors of my chosen style
Seem to lock me in their grip
It appears the closing of a trap
As I feel my reason slip.
Looking like a chance of rain
Precipitation hits the street
Peace of mind down the storm drain
But I ignore this, try to write
And not touch the red delete
Few reads and no comments
But I cannot admit defeat
I try to avoid the pointless rhymes
A rhythm that just goes nowhere
I attempt to let it flow
And do it with a bit of flair
But the rigors of my chosen style
Seem to lock me in their grip
It appears the closing of a trap
As I feel my reason slip.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 1
comments 13
reads 783
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 7:23pm
I know the feeling..... and have been trying to fight that delete button myself.
But I love your style, whether it rhymes or not. :)
Keep it up, and don't ever, EVER admit defeat!!
But I love your style, whether it rhymes or not. :)
Keep it up, and don't ever, EVER admit defeat!!
0
Re: Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 7:35pm
Thank you for the encouraging words, brokentitatium. I had misgivings about posting this one and, yes, I was prepared to hit delete. Comments like yours give me heart. Thank you!
Anonymous
- Edited 22nd Feb 2020 11:45am
28th Feb 2019 7:24pm
<< post removed >>
Re: Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 7:40pm
Might take awhile. I seem to have hit a wall, but a breakthrough is possible. I will keep at it and hope for the best. Thank you!
Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 7:40pm
dearest Thomas please don't fret to me poetry is all about communications
and we do it worldwide even if not getting responses we get read...
I love your rhyme and rhythm don't lose hope...
love Brenda ❤
and we do it worldwide even if not getting responses we get read...
I love your rhyme and rhythm don't lose hope...
love Brenda ❤
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Re: Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 7:44pm
I won't lose hope, Brenda. I just wish I could write in free form styles. You do it marvelously. Thank you for the comment and the inspiration of your work.
Re: Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 7:48pm
it wasn't always the case dearest Thomas and there is often an internal rhythm in my poems I can't adhere to... I just say what's ever on my crazy mind at the time you should try it's liberating :)
I love you Thomas ❤
I love you Thomas ❤
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Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 8:10pm
Wonderful write my poet ... great introspection ... great emoting/evoking ... sends such feeling ... so relatable ...
0
Re: Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 8:25pm
I'm just glad it isn't too personal. And I'm delighted you can relate to this. Good to know I have that kind of effect. I tend to write pure fiction in poetic form, and thought I was getting a bit too involved with my insecurities in "Cloudburst. Maybe not. I will keep trying to vary my themes and styles, hope for the best. Thank you for the kind comment and inclusion in your reading list.
Re. Cloudburst
Anonymous
28th Feb 2019 9:43pm
Crow.. really dig this.. great ink.. loved the flow, and wording.. much respect..
Dave
Dave
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Re: Re. Cloudburst
1st Mar 2019 9:23pm
Re. Cloudburst
28th Feb 2019 10:09pm
Re: Re. Cloudburst
1st Mar 2019 9:24pm