deepundergroundpoetry.com
Filth
We brush cheeks with filth, yet wrap ourselves in innocence
Like school children who pull at curls, we run tittering from punishment
Never do we thrash with such vigor, 'til it's our wrists bound to Satans' bed.
Dare I propose a toast;
I say we writhe no longer in idle morality...
For if the halo is ill fit,
Do not tug!
One will only be left with dripping palms and sprained faith.
Like school children who pull at curls, we run tittering from punishment
Never do we thrash with such vigor, 'til it's our wrists bound to Satans' bed.
Dare I propose a toast;
I say we writhe no longer in idle morality...
For if the halo is ill fit,
Do not tug!
One will only be left with dripping palms and sprained faith.
Published 21st Nov 2011
| Edited 28th Dec 2011
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 2
comments 17
reads 1083
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
21st Nov 2011 11:26am
Wow. You don't fuck about. 'Never do we thrash with such vigor til it's our wrists bound to Satan's bed' Gothically wonderful! Bravo. R.
21st Nov 2011 9:27pm
Merci!
I've never been told my work was gothic before, interesting! :)
I've never been told my work was gothic before, interesting! :)
Anonymous
21st Nov 2011 10:33pm
Gothicly wonderful. There's a difference. Your work is refreshing and impressive. I've only read your first page of poems but I'm going to get round to all of them. Laters. R.
21st Nov 2011 10:39pm
22nd Nov 2011 2:49am
I wouldn't call myself gothic, but I may have a few followers now...haha
22nd Nov 2011 10:44am
22nd Nov 2011 8:55pm
22nd Nov 2011 6:53pm
22nd Nov 2011 8:54pm
29th Nov 2011 4:27pm
Anonymous
4th Dec 2011 9:19pm
I like this poem because it makes me want to think about it. It isn't comforting art, and by comforting I mean art which presents a basic, straightforward vision that gives immediate satisfaction, whether it be optimistic or pessimistic. The poem isn't perfect, but it is difficult, and difficult works are rare.
In L1 you need to replace the "s" in "innocense" with a "c" (I think; I'm using British English). In L3 "til" needs an apostrophe before it, seeing as it's an abbreviation. Should "moral" in L5 be "morality"?
Also, would putting a comma at the end of the first two lines help the syntax? For me the sentences ran into each other at first.
I'd like to see you explore what you talk about here in a longer and more focused poem. Present a character, perhaps, or some scenarios to which your themes of moral cowardice can be applied.
JMHO of course. Thanks for the read.
In L1 you need to replace the "s" in "innocense" with a "c" (I think; I'm using British English). In L3 "til" needs an apostrophe before it, seeing as it's an abbreviation. Should "moral" in L5 be "morality"?
Also, would putting a comma at the end of the first two lines help the syntax? For me the sentences ran into each other at first.
I'd like to see you explore what you talk about here in a longer and more focused poem. Present a character, perhaps, or some scenarios to which your themes of moral cowardice can be applied.
JMHO of course. Thanks for the read.
4th Dec 2011 9:36pm
Thank you for reading... :]
&I'll fix all the mistakes, thank you for pointing them out!
&I'll fix all the mistakes, thank you for pointing them out!
Anonymous
22nd Dec 2011 7:17am
This is a very good write, I enjoyed it immensely Carla, Thank you ever so much for the read.
I wish I could comment more, but alas I got here a little late.
But I do concur with both Jack and RedTbird.
Wonderful, thank you for the read.
Al-x-
I wish I could comment more, but alas I got here a little late.
But I do concur with both Jack and RedTbird.
Wonderful, thank you for the read.
Al-x-
25th Dec 2011 10:45am
27th Dec 2011 10:55am
short 'n' sweet just how i like it! Great choice in words. Ignore the criticisms on your spelling and punctuation. You're hands are free to write :) and they did an amazing job!
28th Dec 2011 3:01am
Thank you for your kind words!
And I actually love it when people point out my flaws, it helps me better myself.
And I actually love it when people point out my flaws, it helps me better myself.
29th Dec 2011 9:33pm
C
Now that's a ticking bomb.
I see that the edits have
made sure we have a fluid
moving infernal tapestry
here.
The idea is potent here.
The canvas and the scope
vast. The execution is deft
and though I agree with Mr.
Heslopian about expansion
(for it has got immense power)
this poem in its present form
has depth and a manic grip.
This one reminded me of Bataille.
Clinical.
Loved 'sprained faith'.
And I have a feeling that a
little rethink could be done
on the punctuation. But then
poetic liberty is a vast domain.
Respect.
Curtsy,
S'
Now that's a ticking bomb.
I see that the edits have
made sure we have a fluid
moving infernal tapestry
here.
The idea is potent here.
The canvas and the scope
vast. The execution is deft
and though I agree with Mr.
Heslopian about expansion
(for it has got immense power)
this poem in its present form
has depth and a manic grip.
This one reminded me of Bataille.
Clinical.
Loved 'sprained faith'.
And I have a feeling that a
little rethink could be done
on the punctuation. But then
poetic liberty is a vast domain.
Respect.
Curtsy,
S'
