deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Sea Captain
The ship cut the savage waters,
washing her with an icy spray,
A howling wind sloping the mast,
a dark shroud covering the day.
The swelling sea caused her to roll,
battering men on the weathered deck.
They clung to anything they could,
trimming the sails with a check.
The Captain exited his aft quarters
observing the work that was required,
But his thoughts were preoccupied
by the woman he long desired.
In his hand, he clung to a letter,
worn and crumbled from his reading.
Her final words etched in his mind,
the sorrow was lastly exceeding.
He shut his eyes, facing the sea,
It was his absolution, his peace
His hand let go of the message,
her lasting desertion released.
The minutes turned into hours,
with the captain nowhere in sight.
Work had to be put to a stop
so the men could end this plight.
Finally, they were able to search
as the fierce storm settled down.
They made a startling discovery,
a cold body they circled around.
Where the withered men stood,
blood seeped through the boards.
The Captain laid with vacant eyes
as his life ended around a cord
They broke out in a solemn hymn,
a somber cry from their throats.
The vibration from their singing
carried as white spiraling notes.
washing her with an icy spray,
A howling wind sloping the mast,
a dark shroud covering the day.
The swelling sea caused her to roll,
battering men on the weathered deck.
They clung to anything they could,
trimming the sails with a check.
The Captain exited his aft quarters
observing the work that was required,
But his thoughts were preoccupied
by the woman he long desired.
In his hand, he clung to a letter,
worn and crumbled from his reading.
Her final words etched in his mind,
the sorrow was lastly exceeding.
He shut his eyes, facing the sea,
It was his absolution, his peace
His hand let go of the message,
her lasting desertion released.
The minutes turned into hours,
with the captain nowhere in sight.
Work had to be put to a stop
so the men could end this plight.
Finally, they were able to search
as the fierce storm settled down.
They made a startling discovery,
a cold body they circled around.
Where the withered men stood,
blood seeped through the boards.
The Captain laid with vacant eyes
as his life ended around a cord
They broke out in a solemn hymn,
a somber cry from their throats.
The vibration from their singing
carried as white spiraling notes.
Written by
CharlotteMae
Published 20th Feb 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 2
comments 23
reads 1065
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Re. The Captain
20th Feb 2019 8:31pm
I felt every inch of this sad tale.
(reminded me of a << Dear John >> letter I rec'd when stationed at Kadena Air Base, Okinawa, Japan, & how shortly after chatting with what little friends I'd made there and then one night I woke up with a tube down my nose and my tummy being pumped)
Great story telling spill
though very poignant
(reminded me of a << Dear John >> letter I rec'd when stationed at Kadena Air Base, Okinawa, Japan, & how shortly after chatting with what little friends I'd made there and then one night I woke up with a tube down my nose and my tummy being pumped)
Great story telling spill
though very poignant
1
Re: Re. The Captain
20th Feb 2019 8:35pm
Re. The Sea Captain
20th Feb 2019 8:36pm
Re. The Sea Captain
21st Feb 2019 10:34pm
It's a sad tale in the old style, well constructed Charlie. I prefer sparse rhymes that flow organically, the more subliminal syllabic harmony of alliteration, but you work well within the format. Is there a metaphorical depth, such as a personal feeling of being unmoored and lost?
1
Re: Re. The Sea Captain
21st Feb 2019 11:06pm
It's a poetic format I'm not so comfortable with as I'm sure it shows, but the idea came from a writing exercise I did with a friend online. He picked two topics and you had to include it into the few lines you would write. It was death and music. So I wrote this:
They broke out in a solemn hymn,
a somber cry from their throats.
The vibration from their singing
carried as white spiraling notes.
And we kept going on with different lines. No theme other than those two topics. But I felt there was a poem there. I was curious as to why the men were singing so I crafted a story around it.
Whether I felt lost or unmoored, who can say. It just popped into my head and I wanted to just see where it took me. I thought a sea captain, heartbroken from the loss of his love, was a compelling story.
I might rewrite it in a free verse format to see what else will come out.
They broke out in a solemn hymn,
a somber cry from their throats.
The vibration from their singing
carried as white spiraling notes.
And we kept going on with different lines. No theme other than those two topics. But I felt there was a poem there. I was curious as to why the men were singing so I crafted a story around it.
Whether I felt lost or unmoored, who can say. It just popped into my head and I wanted to just see where it took me. I thought a sea captain, heartbroken from the loss of his love, was a compelling story.
I might rewrite it in a free verse format to see what else will come out.
Re: Re. The Sea Captain
22nd Feb 2019 3:24am
That's interesting. Structured writing, thematic writing, it hones your craft, like any skill sharpens from usage. I write only from personal experiences and my philosophy and awareness as it grows and changes, but as a result I write infrequently and I imagine I would have grown in skill more quickly, had I taken on more projects.
I've enjoyed your writes, especially considering the ability you've shown at a young age, for the organic emotion they exude in subtle shades.
I've enjoyed your writes, especially considering the ability you've shown at a young age, for the organic emotion they exude in subtle shades.
1
Anonymous
- Edited 12th Apr 2020 8:45pm
1st Mar 2019 11:39pm
<< post removed >>
Re. The Sea Captain
Re: Re. The Sea Captain
3rd Mar 2019 5:05am
Re. The Sea Captain
Anonymous
5th Mar 2019 1:32pm
Wow, it's nice to see a young rhymer. I didn't think they existed. Really good story too. Excellent!
1
Re. The Sea Captain
5th Mar 2019 1:49pm
I like your poem: powerful and well told. I wonder if you have tried reading "In the wake of madness" by Joan Druett. The real story of violence and murder on the SHARON, a nineteenth century Massachusetts whaling ship.
1
Re: Re. The Sea Captain
5th Mar 2019 2:56pm
Thank you for your lovely comments. I have not heard that or heard of it, but I will certainly check it out. Thanks for the suggestion. :)
Re. The Sea Captain
11th Apr 2019 00:29am
Away from home I can relate to the feelings expressed, the pain, the hope, the desire and the urge all beautifully captured and expressed. A beautiful poem. keep writing!!!
1
Re: Re. The Sea Captain
25th Jun 2019 4:05pm
Anonymous
- Edited 9th Apr 2022 5:45am
22nd May 2019 2:37pm
<< post removed >>
Re. The Sea Captain
25th Jun 2019 4:01pm
Re. The Sea Captain
17th Jan 2020 4:15am
Re. The Sea Captain
Anonymous
6th Feb 2020 3:37pm
Couldn't resist the title. It's an excellent poem flowing without hindrance. As for a format you admit to not being comfortable with, it does not show. Well done.
0
Re: Re. The Sea Captain
6th Feb 2020 4:12pm