deepundergroundpoetry.com
Just Be There
Baby, please don't go
I'll paint you a masterpiece
On my soul's canvass
Mosaic painting
From the shattered pieces and shards
Of my broken heart
A color palette
Of crimson and vermilion
Shades of blood dripping
Hues of fiery red
Dominating the canvass
Colors of my love
I'll paint you a masterpiece
On my soul's canvass
Mosaic painting
From the shattered pieces and shards
Of my broken heart
A color palette
Of crimson and vermilion
Shades of blood dripping
Hues of fiery red
Dominating the canvass
Colors of my love
Published 2nd Feb 2019
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2nd Feb 2019 5:47pm
This is very well written, Summerain. I enjoyed the imagery very much, and the emotion was palpable.
The only thing I would suggest is to study the haiku form ( albeit poetry allows for originality and individual development ). You've definitely gotten the punctuation right ( in that there is none ). Traditional Haiku also eschews capital letters, and weighs in more on sounds vs. actual syllables.
A linked haiku is either a renga or a renku ( renga are usually longer (typically one hundred stanzas) and renku shorter (typically thirty-six stanzas, with many half that length and even shorter).
I hope you continue this direction. It befits you.
The only thing I would suggest is to study the haiku form ( albeit poetry allows for originality and individual development ). You've definitely gotten the punctuation right ( in that there is none ). Traditional Haiku also eschews capital letters, and weighs in more on sounds vs. actual syllables.
A linked haiku is either a renga or a renku ( renga are usually longer (typically one hundred stanzas) and renku shorter (typically thirty-six stanzas, with many half that length and even shorter).
I hope you continue this direction. It befits you.
4th Feb 2019 1:23am
Thank you so much Ahavati for your encouraging comment and input on this poem. I'll take note of your suggestions. I 've written strings of haiku before but did not know that they are either renku or renga. Glad to read your insightful comment Ahavati.<3
