deepundergroundpoetry.com
Cutting edge, the bloody truth.
I haven't done it in a while,
but every now end then, I'll pick up the blade,
press it to my skin.
Will I win?
Not this time, today I lost.
I watch the blood trickle down my body. It all happened so fast.
Well if I want to be free I guess this is the cost.
So many things gone through my head.
When it was over, I looked down at the blade.
And I looked down at my wound.
Not again, I think. What did I do?
Other days, I beat it. But in a sad way.
I press the blade down, hard enough to feel it,
but not enough to penetrate.
I can't go through with it, and I break.
I start balling and whaling and screaming, oh God.
What's wrong with me, why am I so unhappy?
but every now end then, I'll pick up the blade,
press it to my skin.
Will I win?
Not this time, today I lost.
I watch the blood trickle down my body. It all happened so fast.
Well if I want to be free I guess this is the cost.
So many things gone through my head.
When it was over, I looked down at the blade.
And I looked down at my wound.
Not again, I think. What did I do?
Other days, I beat it. But in a sad way.
I press the blade down, hard enough to feel it,
but not enough to penetrate.
I can't go through with it, and I break.
I start balling and whaling and screaming, oh God.
What's wrong with me, why am I so unhappy?
Published 15th Nov 2011
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15th Nov 2011 6:56pm
This poem is very revealing of you innermost feelings. I have come to realize there is no reason for being unhappy when you are depressed. It only makes the times when there is a reason that much worse. I don't know how many times I have contemplated suicide over the last 28 years, but it has been so many that not a day goes by when the potential isn't there. I think about it obsessively at times and I sometimes think that's why I am still here. I am so familiar with the scent that I can smell it coming. When the body is injured, it releases endorphins that ease the pain. Not being a cutter, I'm not sure if that is enough to make a difference. I have often wondered what cutting makes someone feel. I have lived with constant physical pain for many years, so I doubt it would do anything for me. Do you have someone you talk with when the unhappiness becomes unbarable? jj
16th Nov 2011 00:02am
Strangely enough, I don't cut to feel better. I cut to punish myself. Lately I feel like all I do is hurt people or make them upset or mad.
29th Nov 2011 9:40am
But what you need to realize is you don't. I love you so much and wouldn't want you any other way.
