New Year

In five minutes I'll still feel just as empty as I feel now. A new year, a new me. The best me that I can be. The best excuses and apologies I can shell out. Doesn't matter if I make it to 2020 or not. Just as long as the lie doesn't come out. Just as long as I can feel like I made it without asking for help. But I'll never tell. I'll never jump to the next step or the very edge. This is the spot I'll stay stuck at. Whether it's a brand new year or five or ten. I'll be right here wishing it wouldn't continue to happen. Wishing that the next step would make the floor cave in. So I can fall forever and let that be it.