Holly

You took my childhood
You took my world and flipped it
Then just watched me spiral

Like it was funny
Like it was a movie
You ate popcorn and watched me snort every pill i could get my hands on
You watched me drink until i couldnt feel anything
Because i always felt too much.

You disciplined me by kicking me out of your house because i wanted to kill myself

You did the same thing to my brother

You let a man abuse me, yourself and your son
For 12 whole years

And then chose him over me every time i asked you to leave

You chose someone who wanted nothing more than to break you over the person who wanted nothing more than to help you build yourself again

And then when we did leave, we were all so broken i dont think any of us could ever build ourselves
Not the right way at least
Because i fell even deeper inlove with being empty yet filled at the same time and you fell inlove with being used
And dakota felt the hatred in our home so much he couldnt stand to be around us

I couldnt even stand to be around us

I still cant

I still cant look at you and think how much i love my mom
Because i dont
Youre like a parasite
You suck the life out of the living and then continue even when were dead

I think weve been dead for years
I think were all corpses
I think im a zombie
I think im dead
Im dead
Im dead on the inside
I want nothing more than to be able to love you but youve made every single decision and stuck by them
I wish i never had to watch you become this person
I wish i never had to watch myself become this person
So when people ask me about you i guess i try to lie
I try to tell them about how you tried
But it was barely trying
I try to tell them i know youre just sick and you love me
But if you loved me i dont think you would have done this to me
Im so confused on love im not sure ill ever get it right.
So thank you for messing that up for me i believe i deserved it.
No thats wrong
I deserved better
I do deserve better
But so do you.
Well you did, now im not so sure..