Empathetic bullet

Can you hear my cries for help?
You probably wouldn't understand.
But I'm at war with myself,
and I'm reaching for a hand.

These days it's not as often
that I'm at the mercy of my mind.
But it's like I'm locked inside a coffin
and no one knows that I'm alive.

That's how depression feels,
to those who aren't aware.
And if you don't think it's real,
it means that you've been spared.

And you're lucky if you don't,
for you may have dodged a bullet
that many often won't.
They'll find the trigger and pull it.

Is it weird that I feel anger?
That I envy their demise?
Their courage to fill the chamber
and point it right between their eyes?

But please don't get upset,
for I would never pull the trigger.
It's just hard to catch my breath
when my problems all seem bigger.

And to those who might yearn to,
please know I feel your pain.
How every thought will haunt you,
you're betrayed by your own brain.

But hold on to the hope,
that someone needs your smile.
For that is why I wrote,
these words to me are vital.