Finding healing

It has been over 34 years since I lost myself to the corrupt hands of my abuser. But I have made a decision which hopefully will return a piece of my soul to me.  Something that will also keep other children from being broken, or maybe make it possible for them to heal.  My gut tells me that a pedophile who has not been caught is still abusing children.  Well I know where my abuser lives and I am writing the local States Attorney to see if an investigation can be opened up into his affiliations to youth organizations.  I have thought about this and even though a part of me would get satisfaction from seeing him prosecuted, the real reason for doing this is the children.  I think I will get the most healing, gain back the most of what was taken, if my strength can help save others.  To be able to tell them what I never heard.  It is not your fault, this is not love, he is using your for his own desires, you don’t owe him anything, what he is doing is wrong.  Maybe if I got that chance it would be like talking to the little boy in me.  It has also gotten me thinking about trying to do some volunteering.  Being an advocate could be very rewarding.  I have been thinking long and hard about the power I have allowed him to retain over me for decades.  It sounds so easy when I say it here .  All I have to do is let go of what happened, take back control of my life.  Believe me, it is far from easy.  I have spent my whole life trying to control everything in my life because he took all control away from me. All I have to do is let go, I have never done that in my life, even when it pushed me to suicide.  But I think I am finally learning how.  We will see where the journey takes me.  Whether it is a flight to freedom or if I crash and burn.