Time Will Tell

If it's one piece of information
That I can swear is true
I'd swear on my life and the moon
That I love you :)
But if it's one thing I can say
That I wish was different
I'd say our relationship
And the conditions we're thriving in
Sure I used to cut
And yeah you were part of the reason
But just because you helped me stop
Doesn't mean I also stopped thinking
Suicide and pain
Rushed through my mind like wild fires
It actually went away in July
But it started to creep it's way back like mall flyers
The ones that float from the sky
And land on your leg
Carlos... That's kinda like how you are with me
You must have been Heaven-sent
Because without you encouraging me to stop
I would've had many more scars
And not enough long sleeves to cover them up
I haven't cut in 5 months.
FIVE!!!!
You should be proud :)
But of course you're not because
I did something else and then
Everyone started to crowd
3 months huh?
Can you refresh my memory of what I was doing then?
The three months you spend suffering
Because of this damned relationship?
You didn't want it anyways!
You didn't even like me!
But because of Noah
You actually agreed
So then you were stuck...
Because you couldn't leave a sick girl behind
Do you realize that you said you loved me
Before we even reached day 9?
I realize that day started all of your lies
And I'm not trying to make you seem like the bad guy
Because I've had my faults too
And I'm brave enough to admit that I've lied to you
Not about much though
Not as much as you
And if you have something
You'd like to get the lie detector out on
Feel free
Because despite everything you've told me
I'm ready to come clean
And all this time
I've been talking about how much you hurt me
But I've failed to talk about how I hurt you
You say that the words I say don't affect you
But if they were coming from
The one you claim you love
I'd think it's something you'd have
A negative reaction to
The cutting
Strangers
And killings down my driveway
Did that hurt you Carlos?
Hmmm? In any way?
You have your cruel humor
And you know that it affects me
From the early cyanide jokes
To the ones about snorting coke
And then the ones about the hanging....
I now realize that you do this stuff on purpose
And if you loved me like you say you do
You'd stop, so that I could stop hurting
That's why I stopped cutting
It had nothing to do with me
My life was crap anyways
Nothing helped but to bleed
I stopped for you...
Because I knew that you'd hate me
If I kept refusing to listen to you
I let you talk me out of it
I even dropped the ice
Popsicles used to be my best friend
Now I can't even manage to take two bites!
I did it just to take us one step further
To prove my love for you
But now people are telling me things
and I don't know what to do
"He doesn't like you anymore
He wants to break up with you
He's tired of everything you do
Your relationship is nothing more
Than a lie
He tells me so on Facetime
Go on Facebook, It's up their too
I can even quote a line!"
But before they tell me
I walk away
Because I don't want to hear
Another thing you're only going to deny
I choose to calculate
I gather up all the rumors
And see which piece together
It's bad when two of your "closest friends"
Come to me like stormy weather
And "Lie" on you
Why would they do that?
Try to hurt you?
Ruin our relay...
I don't know
You tell me
Wait out these next few months and I guess we'll see
Oh and btw
I said I wouldn't wait forever for you to talk to me
As soon as I start talking to Tyner
You jump to assumptions when I'm only trying to pass the time!
Who wants that?
Having to watch your boyfriend avoid you all day?
Who would like to live through that?
Having absolutely no contact for a month
Just because he was angry with you?
I'm too "oversensitve and bipolar"
To have you gone for that long!
When you leave...
I start wanting, and longing, and dying
And that's wrong!!!
I'm not supposed to love you that much
To where you can't be gone
3 seconds without me thinking about you
But I am...
And I don't mind
I just can't keep getting hurt all the time
I need to know where we are in this relationship
I need you to let me know
If 6 months of our lives have just been wasted