deepundergroundpoetry.com
While You Grow
Stardust collected itself
A seed
And it took root
In the hearts
Of a tribe
The seas
Seemed deeper;
The mountains
Appeared to lengthen
Their reach;
The redwoods retold
Tales of old;
Of love;
Of life
And the seeds we hold
Now
Brought closer together
We gather
Around the fire
To feed the Magic
Amongst the mundane
And watch its beauty
Unfold
A flame
A seed
And it took root
In the hearts
Of a tribe
The seas
Seemed deeper;
The mountains
Appeared to lengthen
Their reach;
The redwoods retold
Tales of old;
Of love;
Of life
And the seeds we hold
Now
Brought closer together
We gather
Around the fire
To feed the Magic
Amongst the mundane
And watch its beauty
Unfold
A flame
Published 9th Aug 2018
| Edited 7th Aug 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 567
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
I see this being almost emblematic of its subject matter. The lack of periods made me focus on the stanzas as more a shape made out of words rather than a sentence. Perhaps, this wasn't what was intended. I see potential there for that.
The flow is rather choppy when having "and" and other moving parts being on their own line. The repetitious use of "and" becomes more of an eyesore after multiple reads.
Otherwise, I like it.
The flow is rather choppy when having "and" and other moving parts being on their own line. The repetitious use of "and" becomes more of an eyesore after multiple reads.
Otherwise, I like it.
Thank you for your feedback as it is much appreciated! I hope it wasn’t too exhausting a read. I’m very grateful.
:)
ALL LOVE
:)
ALL LOVE
