deepundergroundpoetry.com
On My Way
Please listen to your mind
which reads between my lines .
Read my thoughts as I dream
each one could come true
each one I truly mean .
I will attain some day
believe me when I say
Iam on my way
even if its posthimous
you will observe
the deserved day.
I can't help who I am
I don't take advantage
and I do give a damn.
Join me within my fantasies about touring
the world
places and famous faces on boats
I paint on seas of emerald swirls .
A fleeting grasp of you in my wallet
its good enough to eat , but I know I can't swallow it .
I shall never rue
I thought forever was me and you
how taken
by the elation
to be in the equation
and creation of our crew .
My empathy ,
a ghost image our jollity
a wedding carriage
of what wasn't to be
a fading imagery
a fatal dying in me
a spirit is crying for thee
on the astrol extremities
on behalf of a created three
a belated
sunken desperate plea
to reconceive some present
reprieve of jocularity
you should believe in me
and in all honesty, when I say
I really need you and I've lost my way
Its night time out ,on the fields of yesterday
your the only light to shine ,
and brighten the way
back to the present times
in our yesterday
to last throughout our lives
and pave a new way
please read my lines
because I'm trying to say
I hurt at all times
and I will love you
always .
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Published 24th Dec 2009
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24th Dec 2009 7:34pm
i liked the poem. your usage of original, strong metaphors : I paint on seas of emerald swirls ; A fleeting grasp of you in my wallet
its good enough to eat , but I know I can't swallow it, etc.
it seems as if you got tired of writing towards the end; as the only thing which doesn't quite work here are the last three lines. have a look :)
its good enough to eat , but I know I can't swallow it, etc.
it seems as if you got tired of writing towards the end; as the only thing which doesn't quite work here are the last three lines. have a look :)
24th Dec 2009 10:57pm
Thanks for your feedback and your time in reading my work .I made a belated attempt to try and simplify the overall message ,so as not to waste my time conveying the unreadable but I f**ked it up . And no I wont try it again either hahaha was just sick of getting nowhere you know theres me trying to grovell and she 's thinking WTF ha ha well I've give up now anyway hahaha thanks though I appreciate your take very much indeed ,its what makes you get better :))))))))) ...Paul
