In All Of My Redemption

I always feel as if I’m losing it,
Walking through the wilderness.
The minute I realize I’m in it,
I could swear my trial and error
as the only path I’ve ever known,
That I'm forgotten and alone.
But if I did I would be lying,
That’s not the case,
It’s just not so.
In all of my redemption, I was never on my own.

In the pit when I fell into it,
Temporarily despaired, bewildered, and dismayed,
The instant I let chaos start convincing me its claims,
I got caught up debating what is right, and wrong, and gray.
I was certain I was destined for desertion and remains.

Briefly, for a lapse of time, the grip I had was slipping,
Entertaining the confusion, thoughts aloof and losing vision,
While in my seclusion, stopped to rest and nested in my brain.
From illusions that I’ve mended to excusing what should change,
Anticipating all the rage that caused the rains in Noahs’ age,
I neglected to surrender to the promises you made.

Whether effort or amendment, or by force that causes bending,
My attempts don’t mean a thing,
Still I hang.
While suspended, contemplating my decision,
On the last stitch I had hidden,
I began to cling.
Instead of letting go, I took a breath and called your name.

Before my lips could finish,
Here you stand to render aid,
Undeserving and unable,
I am hardly worth the shame,
You pick me up and hold me stable,
Dust me off and set me straight.

When coming to my senses I remember,
Who I am, Who you are.
Before I knew the lesson, You already made the way,
You were waiting,
Loving me enough not to let me stay the same.
From where I’ve been , where I am, and where I’m going,
In all of my redemption, I have never been alone.

© CMaloney 2018