deepundergroundpoetry.com
life unintended
the sun has
quit the
sky
the birds
silent,
intoxicated
with
evening
only the cowards and
and drunks remain
awake now
the cowards
fear dying
too soon
the drunks are
afraid of living
too long
and much like the
rest of the world,
they run between
life and death
and miss the
living
(c) 2018 R.R. Zinn
Published 4th Jul 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Jul 2018 11:56pm
5th Jul 2018 00:20am
5th Jul 2018 00:14am
5th Jul 2018 00:19am
5th Jul 2018 10:57am
5th Jul 2018 1:54pm
B-Kitty,
Perusing your poem
first thing this morning
I looked at it
with a fresh eye...
...and stanza five
jumped out at me
I think that the "and"
might just be redundant...
would you consider looking
both with
and without?
What do you think? Ely
Perusing your poem
first thing this morning
I looked at it
with a fresh eye...
...and stanza five
jumped out at me
I think that the "and"
might just be redundant...
would you consider looking
both with
and without?
What do you think? Ely
5th Jul 2018 3:12pm
I'm always open to hearing what others think. From my vantage point, I don't concern myself w/ some redundancy at times. I don't want to come off as too poetic. I don't spend a lot of time composing. I have a thought and down it goes. I want my poems to be in common speech patterns. I thank you, and always welcome your input.
buddhakitty.
buddhakitty.
5th Jul 2018 3:28pm
5th Jul 2018 7:52pm
