neon pain

   
inside of guilt i'm curled in a ball    
my pain is rivaled only by my sin    
it is a black spot on my horizon    
flashing in neon it speaks to me    
    
"cunt get it straight    
he needs you    
but he can't put up with your shit    
so knock it off"    
   
"get it together or break his trust    
there is no easy out    
you leave, you stay as things are    
you break his heart"    
   
"I know you love him    
a moment's temptation and it's gone
or lose a lifetime love for a distraction"    
   
"addiction's fangs sunk deep    
but your love is stronger    
if you just release it"  
   
my heart is heavy with fear    
what if I can't get straight?    
   
it strangles me with thoughts    
of living my life without him    
I'm not sure I could do it    
   
so why do I push the boundaries?    
   
the answer because i'm an addict    
who lies in secrecy    
he knows something isn't right    
we just don't talk about it    
   
I hurt him plays on repeat in my head    
I have to get it together    
for me, for him, for us