deepundergroundpoetry.com
Not worthy of a place.
This is just a rant.
I feel like im not enough.
I look around.
See all these boys just like me.
Unnoticable to others about what they are.
Unable to tell them apart from anyone else.
Standing out like a cactus in a rose garden is me.
I dont pass and i dont fit in.
As ugly as that old doll you had when you were young.
Covered in marks,
Hair a mess,
Clothes not fitting right.
I am not beautiful.
I look for inspiration on social media about people like me.
Hopes and prayers that I am not the only one.
But i am.
Alone in a see of acceptance,
I am in a bubble of hatred.
All i see are beautiful,
Skinny,
Tall,
Flat chested,
Normal boys..normal trans boys.
Beautiful normal trans boys.
And i look around one more time.
A mirror and i see myself.
A body i am ashamed to call my own.
A scale that tells me I am too much for it to bare.
Binders that roll and squeeze my chest too tight even at the "right size" for me.
Clothes that can't hide what I am.
Wonderful people.
Gorgeous flower princes,
Handsome males,
Amazing and skinny and all around perfect.
And here sits me...
The wilted rose in the garden,
A discarded piece of trash in a gutter.
I do not deserve to be part of this community.
I am out of place everywhere I go.
Maybe.
Just maybe it's because out of place is exactly where I belong.
I feel like im not enough.
I look around.
See all these boys just like me.
Unnoticable to others about what they are.
Unable to tell them apart from anyone else.
Standing out like a cactus in a rose garden is me.
I dont pass and i dont fit in.
As ugly as that old doll you had when you were young.
Covered in marks,
Hair a mess,
Clothes not fitting right.
I am not beautiful.
I look for inspiration on social media about people like me.
Hopes and prayers that I am not the only one.
But i am.
Alone in a see of acceptance,
I am in a bubble of hatred.
All i see are beautiful,
Skinny,
Tall,
Flat chested,
Normal boys..normal trans boys.
Beautiful normal trans boys.
And i look around one more time.
A mirror and i see myself.
A body i am ashamed to call my own.
A scale that tells me I am too much for it to bare.
Binders that roll and squeeze my chest too tight even at the "right size" for me.
Clothes that can't hide what I am.
Wonderful people.
Gorgeous flower princes,
Handsome males,
Amazing and skinny and all around perfect.
And here sits me...
The wilted rose in the garden,
A discarded piece of trash in a gutter.
I do not deserve to be part of this community.
I am out of place everywhere I go.
Maybe.
Just maybe it's because out of place is exactly where I belong.
Published 21st May 2018
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 5
reads 436
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
21st May 2018 9:22am
hello , i sense the feeling of difference here, the feeling of being on the outside and apart from everybody else!
these lines really stood out for me
Standing out like a cactus in a rose garden is me.
I dont pass and i dont fit in.
such strong lines, i like the comparison here.
Alone in a see of acceptance,
I am in a bubble of hatred.
this rings with sadness.
The wilted rose in the garden,
A discarded piece of trash in a gutter.
I do not deserve to be part of this community.
the one who's not seen , not accepted, not loved... there is so much sadness coming through this piece, sadness of being different , sadness of not being accepted, isolation, loneliness, self hatred and difference .
despite this being sad i enjoyed your way of writing , especially your reference to the cactus and the wilting rose...
these lines really stood out for me
Standing out like a cactus in a rose garden is me.
I dont pass and i dont fit in.
such strong lines, i like the comparison here.
Alone in a see of acceptance,
I am in a bubble of hatred.
this rings with sadness.
The wilted rose in the garden,
A discarded piece of trash in a gutter.
I do not deserve to be part of this community.
the one who's not seen , not accepted, not loved... there is so much sadness coming through this piece, sadness of being different , sadness of not being accepted, isolation, loneliness, self hatred and difference .
despite this being sad i enjoyed your way of writing , especially your reference to the cactus and the wilting rose...
21st May 2018 6:23pm
Thanks. It was an off the top of my head writing. It is an honest reflection of how I feel. So I mean the sadness carries on away from the lines too since i carry it with me. But its nice to know you liked it.
21st May 2018 10:01pm
A lot of things stood out to me here, and there can be a double meaning to some of them you might not have noticed,
An old doll that is a mess from when you were a child makes me think that it was well loved, and despite its looks, the owner of the doll saw/sees beauty in it, and the doll must be important to the child, never less the looks. That's just one of the things that caught my attention.
You aren't alone either, ironically enough, I can somewhat relate in an almost scary manner. Gender and beauty in this world have never really made sense to me, and I've never really fit in with the crowd. If you would like, I wouldn't mind messaging you and chatting some more about it, maybe I can help as well. I'm always open to listen if you ever need someone to talk to, you're not alone <3
An old doll that is a mess from when you were a child makes me think that it was well loved, and despite its looks, the owner of the doll saw/sees beauty in it, and the doll must be important to the child, never less the looks. That's just one of the things that caught my attention.
You aren't alone either, ironically enough, I can somewhat relate in an almost scary manner. Gender and beauty in this world have never really made sense to me, and I've never really fit in with the crowd. If you would like, I wouldn't mind messaging you and chatting some more about it, maybe I can help as well. I'm always open to listen if you ever need someone to talk to, you're not alone <3
22nd May 2018 9:53am
22nd May 2018 2:05pm
