deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hush now don't you cry
Hush now don't you cry
Causalties are a thing of war
Side by side we'll fight
Our enemies stand strong across the line
Both parties believe they're right
Wiseman send young man do fight their fights
This is war
Hush now don't you cry
You and I we'll die
Causalties are a thing of war
Spare your tears they bare no help
Think only of your gun, yourself and nothing else
Save your prayers they won't save you from your death
Black roses and hail maries are on their way
Sweet Sounds of machine guns will swiftly sweep you away
You and I will only rest when we're six feet deep
Death is a payment of all sin
Hush now don't you cry
You and I will die
Casualties are a thing of war
In a split moment heaven feels so far away
It seems like warrior Angels aren't on their way
It's you and I who have to die to keep the enemy away
Leave everything on the battlefield and take as many on your way
And if death doesn't find you now it'll visit you someday
A simple debt we all have to pay
This is war
Hush now don't you cry
You and I we'll die
Casualties are a thing of war
Causalties are a thing of war
Side by side we'll fight
Our enemies stand strong across the line
Both parties believe they're right
Wiseman send young man do fight their fights
This is war
Hush now don't you cry
You and I we'll die
Causalties are a thing of war
Spare your tears they bare no help
Think only of your gun, yourself and nothing else
Save your prayers they won't save you from your death
Black roses and hail maries are on their way
Sweet Sounds of machine guns will swiftly sweep you away
You and I will only rest when we're six feet deep
Death is a payment of all sin
Hush now don't you cry
You and I will die
Casualties are a thing of war
In a split moment heaven feels so far away
It seems like warrior Angels aren't on their way
It's you and I who have to die to keep the enemy away
Leave everything on the battlefield and take as many on your way
And if death doesn't find you now it'll visit you someday
A simple debt we all have to pay
This is war
Hush now don't you cry
You and I we'll die
Casualties are a thing of war
Published 20th May 2018
Author's Note
No amount of tears can spare us from the pain of this world...it's a war
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 4
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 581
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Eish bra... You are packing em in at the moment! Nice!
We need decent "Kasi life" writes in the DU. You're it!
So let's get to the clean up then...
L2.. Causalities -> Casualties
L4.. Our enemies stand strong
(Forget about "accross the line" it takes away from "strong" image.)
L6.. "Wiseman send young man do fight their fights" -> very bumpy.. Try this... "Wise men send their young to fight the war"
L7... If you use "war" in line 6 above, you don't need "This is war" repeated.
L10... Causalities -> Casualties
L14...hailmeries -> Hail Maries (two words Mary with a.
L23...
"It's you and have who have to die to keep the enemy away "
Confusing...
Maybe try...
"you'll have to die to keep the enemy away"
L27...
"And if death doesn't find you now it'll visit you someday" drop the "and"
If death doesn't find you now, it will get you someday."
Solid warrior poetry with a unique style. Thank you for this one. I saw so much of the real life in it. Solid gritt here.
kea leboha baba
leholimo le leputsoa ho uena
Al
We need decent "Kasi life" writes in the DU. You're it!
So let's get to the clean up then...
L2.. Causalities -> Casualties
L4.. Our enemies stand strong
(Forget about "accross the line" it takes away from "strong" image.)
L6.. "Wiseman send young man do fight their fights" -> very bumpy.. Try this... "Wise men send their young to fight the war"
L7... If you use "war" in line 6 above, you don't need "This is war" repeated.
L10... Causalities -> Casualties
L14...hailmeries -> Hail Maries (two words Mary with a.
L23...
"It's you and have who have to die to keep the enemy away "
Confusing...
Maybe try...
"you'll have to die to keep the enemy away"
L27...
"And if death doesn't find you now it'll visit you someday" drop the "and"
If death doesn't find you now, it will get you someday."
Solid warrior poetry with a unique style. Thank you for this one. I saw so much of the real life in it. Solid gritt here.
kea leboha baba
leholimo le leputsoa ho uena
Al
Lol okay on to them let me fix them my problem is that I write poems half asleep
For some reason casualities is in my keyboard every time I type casualties, casualities come up maybe I'll have to reset data from my keyboard
For some reason casualities is in my keyboard every time I type casualties, casualities come up maybe I'll have to reset data from my keyboard
20th May 2018 9:56pm
Two peas... Bra! I do exactly that! Haha!
The best poems are written like that!
But hey, that's why we have eyes that check us in comments. That's the point. Especially when the language we write in is not our first language. Around here people get that!
Have a good one... Chat soon!
The best poems are written like that!
But hey, that's why we have eyes that check us in comments. That's the point. Especially when the language we write in is not our first language. Around here people get that!
Have a good one... Chat soon!
20th May 2018 9:58pm
22nd May 2018 5:21am
I felt and saw the sadness, the sad truth of our world. Yet your poem makes me feel a certain way towards death but it reminds me that everything will be okay. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece, I absolutely enjoyed reading your poem!
24th May 2018 00:18am
