Sundae Afternoon (a Gay Day) - a re-write

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I've been away for several years and when I came back yesterday, I revisited the original version of this piece and its critiques, and there was some valuable advice I couldn't ignore. I pulled some lines out, added a couple, and here is my revised draft. Please feel free to be brutal--I like it that way sometimes, you know ;) --and judge my poem (not me) as critically as you like. Let this go to show that poetry critiques do mean something, and can be appreciated. No poem is perfect.
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Sundae Afternoon (A Gay Day)

You spill your coffee just a little
It's okay
Towel in hand I bend to clean the drops
Little beads sprawled across the hardwood floor
Pearls of cafe caramel across a deep cherry lake

Your hand on my ass as I bend over
That's my cue
Tossing the rag aside I turn on you
And pin you down into the cherry sea
Your lips taste like caramel
Down I go
You are the vanilla to this sundae delight
On the floor
My cocks grinds past yours blue denim angst
Your jeans are tight

Let's add more fruit to this dessert
I free your banana from its zippered domain
Lickety split
Suck it
Sweet
Your intensity fills my mouth
You're mine until

Your eyes want more
And my jeans are an oppressive restraint
Peeling off our clothes we both spring free
Let's add some nuts to our delicious dish
I want to serve you
I roll your balls through my fingers the way I know you like
Husky heady sweet sexy smell

You want to spoon a little
Pull me tight against you
Your swizzle stick slicks my back with a musk that's all you
Branded
Relieved
Your cock sticks through my legs and past my nuts
Two is better than one don't you think
But you've some other plans I know
Your hand acts gentle but I know better as you split my cheeks
You thrust yourself inside

I arch my back instantly and draw a breath through gritted teeth
"Are you okay"
You ask
Of course I am don't stop
You know I'm weak like this
Just give it to me don't make me wait
My desire is achingly deep so hurry reach it
No care
No remorse
Take me burn me use me
Faster faster
Faster
Now

You pull out and hold me down
"I'm going to cum" you warn
I'm ready for your sticky sauce
Don't hold back spread it thick on me
I'll bet you grin as you watch your whipped cream
Squirt across the ridges of my spine
Hot
Melting
I pump my sticky saucy seed
Sweet secretions across the floor

You fall on top my messy back
A grunt, a smile
A satisfied sigh
I move to grab the towel to wipe the milky sheen from the wood
But you pull me back and kiss my neck
"I love you" whispered in my ear
My chest swells
"I love you more"
My sundae afternoon delight.