sucidal race

Am I finally fucking dying!
Is it my time to be free?
I've waited 15 years for this
Just please let it be!
I am trapped in my mind with only thoughts of you
I try to escape, but what else can i do?
I've taken all the pills but I'm still fucking breathing!
How can this be? Death is so deceiving...
Im hurting more than you'll ever know
But i cant seem to come clean and let my true feelings show
Besides, you'd argue them to be wrong
That's not like you
When will I have the old Amelia back, I've been waiting so fucking long!
57 scars on me now, made 13 more tonight
I didn't want to do it, it just built up, fight after fight
Warm Blood dripped from my crippled shivering arm
relaxed, at peace, cared for and calm.
Sat all alone In the haunting darkness,
imagining my bloody masterpiece
And how amazing it would have been to have had one last kiss
I'm not satisfied. I need more pain!
I Selected a clean knife from the kitchen
And cut away, I had to destroy every single vain!
Our memories fixated in my fucked up head
I take a final look. Perfection.
Then head back up to my awaiting deathbed.
You've left me nothing but pain
And what I seem to lose through blood and tears, you seem to gain.
I promise you I didnt want my life to go like this
And I prey when I'm gone you'll think of me, and our love you'll miss
Theres no turning back now baby I'm sorry
my thoughts just took over me
I done it, died by you, I'm glad you didn't try and save me.
I wouldn't have wanted it
My life is so pointless without you anyway
So abnormal, lifeless and shit
Good night baby girl, I loved you so much
You know I'd have given everything for a final kiss, one last touch
In the morning, when the sun shines I won't awake
Ending everything is the best Decision I could ever make
Inside me plays 24 tiny paracetomal pills
It's hard to believe how something this small can bring so much pain, it kills.
Sharpe blades, decorated in blood hidden under the bed
My sinister desires, now officially fed
I lay awake, just calmly waiting to die,
But what will kill me, pills or blade?
Come on. End me. Don't be shy.

What has my life come to? Fuck...