The Victory of Progress

The Victory of Progress

Tears roll down my eyes as I attempt to sing to myself a lullaby.
Grief and sorrow deep down in my soul continues to multiply.
I loved you so much; my heart aches now that you are gone.
You were entering your prime when you were stolen from me late one night before dawn.

I read over and over again in vain every word you left behind.
You were drowning in hurt and sorrow but still maintained a genius mind.
I applaud you for being real and exposing your hidden war to a world blinded by ignorance.
It’s a shame the world won’t ever understand the war you fought against an incurable sickness.
I won’t let you down I will pick up my own pen and continue on your legacy.
One day my friend I promise you I will achieve ascendency.

I shiver drenched in cold water as I crawl up the stairs towards the bathroom.
I’m suffering from the bitter cold attacking my body but at least I finally realize my life has value.
They stuck a needle deep into my mind and tried to kill me off.
All they accomplished was providing me with this lingering cough.
The fire deep inside me can never die out!
I have much left to accomplish that is a fact not shrouded in doubt.
Not even Satan himself can defeat me, trust me he has tried.
He worn me down and managed to strip away all of my pride
but I’m still standing here laughing again in his face!
The hate you placed in me has finally been replaced with grace.

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror and hate what I see.
I swear it looks like the last good year I had happened when I was three.
My head is still bald and war paint still covers my face.
Even I think I look like a disgrace.

I wash off the paint; it represents what I no longer am,
Satan’s sacrificial lamb filled with hate and spewing out rage.
The war is over like I mentioned before but this time it’s for real.
Pain tearing apart my soul is something I no longer feel.
My hair needs to grow back out I don’t look right bald.
It’s an image that represents a sickness that’s no longer installed.
I love myself again and love the entire world around me.
Finally, my soul has been set free.

Tears slowly fall from my eyes as I sit in the bleachers and watch
performer after performer try to capture my attention, but everyone just makes me want to reach for the scotch.
There is only one performer for me and that man is you.
You meant so much to me, if only you knew.
Your words are my bible and I read them every night.
I understand your words might leave some shaking in fright
but to me they represent hope and are my guiding light.
They are everything I feel and wish I could write.

There’s one last performer to go, a guy I’ve never heard of before.
His name is Ace, wow I guess I’m better off just heading for the door.
None of these guys have anything to say to me that can replace what you wrote.
You are a one and only, only your words strike the right note.

I’m the last one to go time to make my grand re-entry.
I walk out to the stage wearing a hood but it’s only complementary.
I grab a hold of the mic and begin my assault.
Time for something new and leave the old lines locked up in the vault.

“Three minute’s Ace that’s all you have you better make it good.
Try not to being a boring stiff by standing still like a piece of wood.”

Living through a recurring nightmare daily for years took its toll.
My heart became numb and decay ate away at my soul.
Fear controlled my every waking thought and action.
Satan found his way inside of me and became a massive distraction.

I was lost left to wonder through a dead, cold forest.
The voices taunting me deep inside my mind became uncontrollable and horrid.
I believed no one loved me, no one cared.
The vision I had of my future became nothing more than a blur.

I lost the man that meant the most to me that further fueled my decent.
I lost all the ability I had to reason.
I lost the person I once was and become a monster, a burden to all close to me.
I had a sickness I couldn’t tame or control and wanted to hang myself from a tree.
I tried to numb and pain with alcohol and sex.
I tried to occupy my mind with positive vibes but couldn’t remain focused on a single project.
I fell to the bottom pits of despair and remained there for many years.
I always fought back against the disease but a path to victory never became clear.

I hit rock bottom only to climb back up only to find myself hitting bottom again.
I convinced myself it was normal to constantly feel all this pain.
I convinced myself the sickness I had was part of me and would remain so forever.
At no point was I ever very clever.

I heard about and read about man after man taking his own life.
One man left behind his entire family, another man his wife.
I admired their courage; it took a lot to actually end their own life.
Courage I knew I would never have since I was afraid of facing the knife.

Satan conquered those men and convinced them suicide was the only way out.
He convinced them to put all of their faith into him and to not have a single doubt.
I now weep for those men and cry for their families.
I was right there with you my brothers and I promise you my life won’t end in tragedy!

March ‘17 I hit rock bottom for the final time.
All the years I have suffered I now consider to be a crime.
But I won’t hold a grudge, I will move forward praising God with the love in my heart.
Despite me turning his back to him he never failed me and came through with his part.

My heart was once filled with hate and anger at those who had wronged me.
Negativity was all I experienced and felt no matter where I decided to flee.
I was laughed and mocked for being strange and quiet.
The fire inside of me burned out and my life was covered by night.
I thought I knew it all, thought I had the solution to all of my problems
But I didn’t because my problems were far from common.

I have now risen up from the ashes and stand before you a healed man.
All the challenges I have faced and conquered were part of God’s plan.
He’s turned me into a strong unstoppable force that will ascend into greatness and claim what is mine.
Once I’m there let’s all sit down together and celebrate with a glass of wine.

I forgive everyone who has ever wronged me and filled my heart with hate.
I forgive myself for betraying all of your trust and taking so long to set myself straight.
I’m sorry to everyone that I ever let down and I’m sorry to everyone my actions ever hurt.
I forgive myself for adding fuel to the sickness instead of killing it off with dirt.
I’m sorry for all of my misdeeds and I’m sorry for being a failure.
I’m sorry for putting in your mind the thought that I am a player.
Three minutes is my limit to vent but I’m going far over that.
I’m fine with it hopefully these words will help at least one of you to combat
your own sickness that you contain that is slowly eating away your soul.
The last thing I wish is for you to end up like those men and end up throwing your life away to the coal.

I’m no hero but mine is still above me in the sky.
He just can’t bring himself to say goodbye.
I appreciate that since it’s nice to know he’s always watching over me
although for the most part I have been a sad sight to see.
I hope one day I can do him proud and turn myself into someone he admires.
My drive to succeed and become great is alive again and growing along with my internal fire.
Believe it or not I really am coming back and I’m here to stay for good.
I know my fallen brothers would say the same thing if they could.

Progression is the key
Progression is the key.
Progression is the key.
Progression is the key.

My path of evolution has proven to me that progression is the key to sustained happiness.
Stop progressing and you stop evolving, all you have left is emptiness.  
Emptiness turns your heart numb and begins to decay your soul which in turn leads your mind into madness.
If you fail to recover you lose the war and leave everyone who cares about you in sadness.

Progression
Progression
Progression
Progression

I continue to progress, evolve and grow as a person.
My fate and my future to me are no longer uncertain.
I know who I am and who I am becoming.
Once I reach ascension I will truly be stunning.

I’m stunned at Ace and the words he just spoke.
In fact, I’m crying, his words got to me, internally I may also be broke.

Ace takes off his hood and reveals his identity to the crowd.
It can’t be…he’s dead…they told everyone his survival wasn’t allowed.
Except there he is walking off the stage, his head held high.
Seeing him in person makes me want to cry.