Fingers crossed

Everything is floating to the surface
10 years ago,3 months ago
Last week...
Childhood afflictions
Pushing your body back
For being something they couldn't understand.
The places sand gets into
When u find yourself on the ground
with mud cakes made from drops of blood.
Althou this is far from child's play
Even this cloud has a silver lining

Those re acurring dreams.
Of when screams were folded into layers,
and packed away in skin
Forgotten with the stolen toy cars
Of the neighbors kid.
I have to take account of everything.
Organize the paperwork
Stamp those unsent letters
Held onto by the sender
And make peace
For old times sake

She has her fingers on my pulse
Where this irregular heartbeat,
doesn't match the slide of my feet.
They say its a iron deficiency
I say its years of seeing things,
you can't un see.

She's Monitoring my vitals
And taking notes
Penciling me down,with her hopes.
Here Everything is exposed
And rightly so
There shouldn't be camouflage when it comes to love.

Its loud Inside my head
How do I let go?

Even when turning round in my bed
She finds me
And gestures like a ticking clock
To her wrist
Standing in a que to get through
Monitoring what's left.
Waiting for what's next.

Everything feels so threatening
Like my life is at stake.
Like its the last dice roll of a loosing streek.
On the verge of a brand new world.