bobtail plants

Sitting in my grams truck reminds me of being a little girl
memories swarm from the back of my mind
me and Dakota sitting on the tail gate while she drove up to her house
playing princess and pretending this was my castle
we just used my castle to drop you off.
my castle is a moving vechile that will one day die, the same as you will grandmother.
though I love you with all of my heart nothing will stop that from happening
I can't stop staring out the window, I don't want to look at you
you have taught me so much, and yet I am unable to explain why I'm so quiet today
I think its because I have gained 35 pounds in the last year and mum harps on me for it.
maybe I'm quiet be cause this year has been different
its probably because whenever I try to talk about my feelings everyone tells me other people have it worse
so that makes me invalid
makes me a cry baby for wanting people to listen.
while I stare ahead at all of the bobtail plants that once were soft and now are dead
I think of my body like that
was once soft and skinny
beautiful to the touch
And now falling over because it weighs too much.
because its dead and I'm dead and its beginning to be too hard to hold myself up.