Sasha Shy

Sasha Shy
Here is a new place.
I speak and everyone listens.
Their eyes turn to me.
Their attention turns to me.
Under such eyes and such attention, I fade.
Always before this has meant something else:
      Brace for impact!
      Incoming criticism!
      Imminent shade!
So I clam up, button my lip, forget what I meant to say.
I mumble a few words to get those eyes to go away.
But nobody criticizes. Nobody throws shade.
They listen, and they talk to me.
What’s this, now? Respect?
I’ve never had it, never expected it.
Here is the same place. I try out a larger thought. I push it into the quiet space, float it.
I don’t flinch but inside I’m ready for the same old shit:
      Lured out of my shell
      Only to get squashed
      As usual.
But that’s not what happens.
You listen. Everyone listens.
I matter.
I guess I have always mattered
But never trusted anyone to know it.
This is a new place.