The Pilgrimage Pt 2

 

self awareness was cultivated
through the reflection of others
as i shared the story between my ex and i
thinking i was over her
talking casually i assumed
until my date told me how my voice
carried across the room
she said i still seemed consumed
said there was venom and vitriol
in my emotions
when i spoke of her


word?


i had to take a step back
cuz she wasn't the first to comment
on my behavior
had to get out of denial
and acknowledge how much anger
i might have really harbored
give myself a thorough reality check


don't fight it i said to myself
let it run its course
this is cause and effect in full effect
find the context and the purpose
while keeping in mind a
fundamental truth


anger is energy
unique in that is a lever of sorts
kinda like a seesaw emotion
it can swing and morph
into the negative or the positive
always converting
either consciously or subconsciously


become the guiding force that changes it
or it will do the changing on its own
better to be at the helm
than wander aimlessly into the
realm of bitterness..like a gateway drug
it can [d]evolve down an emotional cesspool
leave me stuck in abysmal afterthoughts
circular in motion...like an un-merry go round
alone inside the dystopia of the soul


and no one will give a damn


i took a step back
stepped outside myself
to see where i was standing
get a better innerstanding of 'our' then to my now
see how i played my part in the
fracturing of hearts..a new start indeed
between my story and her story [lies] the truth
fault lines are now ingrained in memory
if i play the victim now
i'll become my own worst enemy
with a one way disposition towards the world


not a good look


so i flipped the script
and decided to use the anger
as fuel to improve myself
channel efforts towards activities that fed the soul
cultivate the life i truly wanted to live
devote time to being a better version
of the man that came before
stay on top of bad behavior patterns
be brutally honest about those Achilles's heels
cuz there will be set backs of course
conditioned attitudes don't disappear over night
its my responsibility to catch myself amidst
my own fuckery


it's a tall order but
i refuse to remain shortsighted
perspective is a long term endeavor
an investment that reaps
its rewards in the future tense
thus micro-tele-scopic vision is a must
noticing and overstanding nuances of the moment
while envisioning the tapestry that is life


shit happens
what happens after that?
 make shit happen
exude and move with the force of spirit
it's a choice..a mindset
roll up the sleeves...do the work
get busy and live with passion..laugh with abandon
love like an artist and kindred will find me
gotta be my number one cheerleader
gotta be my own hero
that's the task placed upon the soul
that's the philosophy i undertook
as i took anger by the horns
and decided to turn them into building tools
instead of weapons of self destruction