Methadone a year and half later

It's been a year and half now  
off the drugs  
my personality a mystery to me.  
 
For thirteen years the drugs defined me  
gave me the warmth of the numb.  
 
Darkness reigned in my life  
everday it's still a struggle  
to see things right.  
 
I was upside down, inside out  
not seeing the drugs kept my mind in prison.  
 
Feelings are foreign and new to me  
learning who I am  
i'm still on shakey feet.  
 
The synthetic smack  
still calls my name  
"come lovely one i'll take away all your pain."  
 
As long as I had my drug  
I didn't care darkness was reigning  
making my soul of no use.  
 
I put on the the mask of the hard  
I pushed all thoughts aside  
I chose not to see.  
 
I revelled in evil  
thinking it loved me  
always there to show me a good time  
but when the chips were down  
and the piper had to be paid  
evil left me for death.  
 
Feasting off my soul as I were already a corpse  
nothing more then an educated horse  
meant to be ridden into the ground  
pounded on, beat on.  
 
I wonder now  
how I could have been such a fool  
to be used as a weapon of my own destruction.  
 
Learning who I am  
a frightning thing  
feeling, loving  
no drug to protect me  
but I will no longer wear the mask of the zombie.  
 
I want to know who I am  
no longer a puppet  
to a drug  
with its hand up my ass.  
 
The journey continues  
I will prevail  
methadone no longer my reigning king.