Search for my soul

Maybe if I can sort out my thoughts..
That’s what I keep telling myself.
Unravel every memory,
stack them neatly on an internal shelf.
What would I do if I did though?
Organize them like some sort of freak show?
Would I burn them down in hopes of forgetting?
Or would it leave a deeper scar depriving me from living?
It seems as though I always come back to this place.
There’s a darkness in the air, no love fills any space.
It reeks of dead carcasses of past times.
All pinned to the wall like a serial killers shrine.
If I close my eyes maybe it’ll all be fine..
An echo in the room calls me from within.
The sound of an innocent cry that carries not one sin.
The familiarity stops me in my tracks.
A louder voice screams back of horrible attacks.
God when will this fucking stop.
The thoughts in my head cause my brain to fucking rot.
Creeping in like chicks on a conveyor belt.
Heading towards certain doom with no sign of any help.
I slam my hands against the inside of my skull.
I’m trapped inside searching for my own god damn soul.
More thoughts come in telling me to just give up.
It’s too much, i can’t handle this, I think I need to throw up..
It knocks me down time and time again.
The addiction to this pain starts to feel like a friend.
A comforting blanket that suffocates,
but also has a way that dissipates.
I’m running out of sanity for christ sake..
I’m drowning in an ocean of my past mistakes.