According To Them

She can never do anything right.  
She's not good at kisisng, loving, or anything.
What she likes is trash.  
She knows because thta's all they bash.  
She's a horrible lover.  
All she can do is just bend over.  
Can't blow, suck, or swallow without gagging.  
Her skills are certainly lacking.  
She can't function like a normal person.  
So many problems yet told she's overacting and overthinking.  
"Someone has it worse. Don't complain."
"It's your own fault. You're to blame."  
She can't escape the past because she's never addressed it.  
It's just a huge fucking mess.  
Told to forget and not give a fuck.  
If she could she would.  
Instead she wallows in self hate and is self depricating.  
She feels nothing, yet everything all at once.  
She can't say a single thing without being belittled.  
"Do I mean so little?"
"I'm NOT fragile"
She doesn't open up because she's always shut down.  
Called selfish when she wants to take time for herself so no one can see her hurt.  
"I'm sorry.. I shouldn't have even been born in the first place. but sadly I was the sperm that won that stupid race."  
She's got a heart so heavy and eyes watery.  
Choking back bile,
Purging.  
So she'll feel okay for a while.
They took away her only solice.  
Her silver little friend that makes her feel like the world isn't about to end.  
The one who helps distract her from the constant onslaught of misery she feels.
Makes her feel like she's still real.  
She's addicted to that feeling.  
And they took it from her.  
Tried to shun her.  
Think their, 'Tough love."  
makes her feel better.  
Trying to make  her feel like her stormy weather will get better.
But all they are really doing is making her feel worthless.  
Useless.
Patheic.  
Just a fucking wreck.  
She can't be a good friend.  
Not while she feels like the walking dead.  
She can't be a good daughter.  
Not like her mother.  
She is worthless. Filled with hate.  
Wishing she could go all the way back to the date.  
The date she was born and pull the damn cord.  
Wrap her hands around her own tiny neck and take away her breathe.  
Take away the suffering she'd feel.  
Then she'd slowly fall away to hell.  
She hates yet she loves.  
She doesn't believe in God. and if her family knew that they'd lose their shit almost just as bad as they would if they knew she wasn't straight.  
They'd give  her to the sharks.  
Use her as bait.  
She likes boys and girls, and or anyone inbetween. The unseen.  
People like her were born to suffer.  
Never meant to have a proper lover.  
Someone who'll make you see the stars for what they are.  
Someone who'll make your toes curl and make you feel like you're on non stop tilta whirl.  
She doesn't deserve that kind of love.  
She's nothing but a time, so boring and annoying
While she thought she was one of a kind,  
They all thought she had lost her damn mind.  
She's just ready to be done.  
The level grief she feels is almost down to none.  
Shouldn't she feel ashamed?
No.  
Remember that name?
The one they called you.  
The one they branded you with.  
It was just a wonderful gift.  
ICE QUEEN.....  
Can... Can she be that mean?  
Live up to the nickname that was given to her out of hate?  
While she was at her lowest point?
Maybe she should just roll a joint and let it go.  
"But little baby, don't they want a show? Don't they want to know? Give it to them good. Show them what they want. That you're just a cruel cunt."  
 She can't reach that level, she can't be that evil.  
She doesn't want them to feel like she does.  
Like nothing she does will ever matter.  
She wishes she had never dropped down this latter. She just wants to be okay.  
and feel like she won't break at a moments notice.  
But that is irrelevant.  
Unimportant.
Just... Like.. Her...