i be not Job

If this be a test or a bet I gladly lose this life
For what worth is there in surviving so much suffering?
I damn you both for choosing me to play the fool
No words of worship will falsely cross my tongue
For no faith has ever filled my heart or grazed my soul
Perhaps I am no more than a disappointment o you
But to me you are an unfit judge and child abuser
Who chose to make my life a living hell to prove a point
Then lost the bet when I let you down and let go of you
I am not nice to get in your good grace or win my place
I am a good person because I choose to be for me and only me
And for this you torture me and make me wish for Death's unpleasant touch
Because the unpleasing grasp of her hand is better than your unjust breath
Which chokes the hope from my aching heart for the love I never knew
That I read stories about in my youth yet never believed that they were true
But if I had been more like Job, would it have mattered to either of you
Instead I've thrown away my faith so I can hate you with more zeal
For I don't believe you hear me through the noise, I know that you do
I don't believe in you, I know you are there, watching my suffering!
Oh I have faith in you Creator, just not the kind you want me to
For I am sure you will cast me into Hell to watch me suffer more and more and more
Where your wicked sense of pleasure will finally be appeased
Eternity will be no longer by keeping me alive waiting to seal my fate
In fact it just gives me more reasons and more time to embrace hate
So on the day I finally die I will not beg for my sins forgiveness
I'll just be happy knowing you gambled away a soul you could have blessed